Ready to touch your soul
by xXxElectraxXx
Summary: Magical laptops- Wiztops come to the Wizarding World. In Muggle Studies 6th and 7th years are using chatrooms. Harry confides in a mysterious man and eventually falls in love. What happens when that man is Severus? WARNING: SLASH. HPxSS
1. Wiztops

Ready to touch your soul

**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters and many of the places mentioned in this story. The plot is the only thing created by me.**

First chapter of the new story is up as promised. I have had too much going on at the moment to have done much writing unfortunately so I will be writing as I'm going along for the moment. Thank you to everyone that supported my first fic and I hope you enjoy this one.

Background information:- This begins in the summer between 6th and 7th year. There are no horcruxes, meaning that the attack on Hogwarts never happened and Dumbledore is alive. The rest is pretty much canon.

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><p><strong>Chapter 1:- Wiztops<strong>

It was the end of August; a time that all students dreaded as the inevitability of going back to school dawned upon them. However, this wasn't the case for everyone; with the new school year beginning in a week, Harry Potter couldn't be happier to be leaving number 4 Privet Drive for what he hoped to be the last time in his life. Nothing was any different from how it had even been before; the Dursleys hadn't been any nicer to him but thankfully they hadn't been more horrible either. Harry had been looking forward to coming of age for a long time but being with the Dursleys had meant that his birthday was not very well celebrated and that of course, despite the fact that he was now able to legally use magic, he was still unable to when he was refined to their house. Therefore, it was with genuine glee that Harry packed up the last of his things as he waited to be collected by Arthur Weasley to spend the last week of the holidays at the Burrow with his friends.

The father of the family showed no hesitation in his want to be the one to get Harry even though the Dursleys had been much less than hospitable to him in the past. He would never miss up on a chance of being in a muggle home and being able to at least look around at their many curious belongings; he only wished that Vernon and Petunia would be willing to talk to him about what they were. They scowled at him as he simply asked Harry to show him how the telefision had worked and being the polite man he was, avoided further conflict.

"How will you be taking him? You'll not be blasting my living room apart again!" demanded Uncle Vernon, face turning purple already.

"No I felt awful about that last time, particularly after the grief my wife gave me. Though you must know what that feels like, eh?" he tried to joke with the man, wanting to find any common ground that he could. When all he received was a filthy look in return, Arthur sighed as he asked Harry to bring down his things. As the younger wizard complied and headed upstairs, he couldn't help but hear the awkward one-sided conversation that Mr Weasley still attempted to have with his relatives.

"So how's your boy then? Is he not around?" Harry inwardly laughed at what he suspected his uncle's face would now look like: Dudley of course still had his fear of wizards and had gone upstairs over an hour before he knew Mr Weasley would be arriving. Dragging his trunk down the stairs along with Hedwig's cage, Harry made sure as to take one last glance at the room that he had previously occupied before closing the door on that part of his life. Surprisingly, when he turned around he noticed his cousin, Dudley standing and staring at him.

"Are you going now?" he grunted at the smaller man.

"Yes. Don't worry; you can get back to watching whatever crap you had on the telly."

"I wasn't worried! I wanted to come upstairs to sort some things out!"

"Dudley you haven't ever sorted anything out in your room. You've still got toy cars that you had when you were five."

"Only because…"

"Only because you didn't want me to have them" Harry finished for him.

"Yeah…" Dudley actually looked partially ashamed of himself before shrugging and going back into his room.

Harry didn't even hang around to hear the door slam as he struggled down the stairs with all of his belongings. Once he had reached the bottom, Arthur had questioned him about why he hadn't used magic to levitate them down. He silenced himself when he noticed that the vein in Harry's uncle's neck was now twitching and that his aunt was grinding her teeth in anger. Saddened by the fact that he hadn't managed to befriend these muggles, who were perhaps the only ones that he would ever meet, Arthur took Harry's trunk from him before heading out into the dark of Privet Drive. Vernon and Petunia came to the door with Harry but said nothing to him whatsoever even when he had wished them goodbye. The door almost hit the frame as they heard a voice shout: "WAIT!"

Harry curiously pushed the door back open slightly and saw his cousin running down the stairs, belly flopping with every step that he took. He clutched his chest as he reached the bottom of the stairs: exercise and Dudley never had gone well together. His cousin walked slower now towards the door where Harry stood with Mr Weasley, his parents looking at him in utter confusion. Not knowing what else to say, Dudley stuck out his hand, offering Harry what he held in it. The wizard tried not to laugh as he saw what it was: a shiny red toy car that Dudley had gotten for his fifth birthday; he hadn't liked it in comparison to his bigger green one and had tossed it aside. Once he had noticed that Harry liked it, he screamed for it back and his parents punished Harry for taking it from him. Since then, it had never been played with but had been hidden in Dudley's room so that Harry wouldn't be able to find it.

"Thanks" he said bewildered as he took the toy from the fat hand that was held out in front of him. Dudley simply nodded at him as he was clapped on the back by his father and pulled into a tight hug by his mother, which he actively resisted. "Bye then" he said to all three of them as they closed the door on him, all too happy to finally be rid of the freak that they had had to look after all this time. Harry followed Mr Weasley along to Mrs Figg's house, as it would be the only safe place for them to apparate without being seen by muggles.

"What is that your cousin gave to you Harry?" he asked, not even hiding his excitement.

"It's a toy car Mr Weasley."

"What does it do? Does it drive like real cars? How does it work?" It would have been amusing to see a fully-grown man bouncing on his feet at a toy if Harry didn't already know of Mr Weasley's obsessions with muggle artefacts.

"You just hold it down and push and then it moves along the floor a bit."

"Without magic? These muggles really are amazing."

"You can have it Mr Weasley" he said, handing the toy over to the man and smiling.

"Really Harry? Are you sure?" he eyed the shiny car with sheer delight.

"Of course. You'll enjoy it more than me anyway."

"Thanks Harry! Oh look, we're here."

The two wizards went into the house of the old squib that Harry had known since a child and both declined a cup of tea and some cake before apparating to the Burrow. Harry went through the same routine as usual upon appearing at his best friend's house: Mrs Weasley giving him a squashing hug while trying to flatten his hair, Ron clapping him on the back and Hermione practically jumping on him in an attempt to hug him.

"Hey Hermione, when did you get here?"

"Just earlier on today" she smiled at him. The only thing that was different from usual was the small but awkward smile that was exchanged between him and Ron's younger sister Ginny. Harry knew that he had broken her heart when he told her that they couldn't be together but it was the right thing to do. Voldemort was after him and he would happily use anyone close to Harry as bait and so he broke up with her after the little time that their relationship lasted as to save her. She expected it of course and she wasn't angry at him but she still harboured the same feelings for him that she'd always had, making it partially awkward between the two. From what Hermione had been saying to Harry in her letters, Ginny was more upset about the breakup than she let on to anyone else and Harry did feel truly awful about it but things had changed. Voldemort was no longer the only reason that he didn't want to be with the young witch but he wouldn't admit this to anyone else because truth be told, he wasn't entirely sure what the new reason was.

Over one of Mrs Weasley's famous dinners, Arthur explained to Molly, Ron, Hermione and Ginny that Harry had given him the toy car from his cousin and he even got up in the middle of dinner to try it out. He was delighted when the car raced from his hand and hit Hermione's chair leg before being told to sit down by his wife. Harry and Hermione caught each other's eye and laughed at the simplicity of Mr Weasley's amusement. Harry found that the meal was much quieter without Ron's twin brothers around, after they had moved into the flat above their shop. He didn't mention this of course because he was more than aware that Mrs Weasley was more than likely still upset that she didn't have many children left in her home. After dinner, Mr Weasley took Harry's belongings up to Fred and George's old room and Hermione told him that she was staying in the room next to his, which previously belonged to Percy. Harry followed his two best friends into the living room and sat next to them on the sofa as Hermione pulled something very odd looking onto her lap.

"Hermione what is that?" Harry asked her.

"Harry, are you seriously telling me that you don't know what this is?" Harry observed it and watched Hermione use it before realising that it seemed very similar to a laptop but it had many differences. Firstly, it didn't seem to be being powered by anything and everything that Hermione did on it, she tapped the screen, making it glow slightly brighter in places.

"Well it looks like a laptop but is it touchscreen?"

"What's touchscreen?" Ron asked the two of them, who both ignored him.

"No it's not touchscreen Harry! Haven't you been reading the Prophet?"

"In case you haven't noticed Hermione, I've been living in solitude for the past few months and have only been able to contact you or Ron every now and then without worrying about reading the newspaper."

"Oh fine! This is a magically-made laptop. It can only be used at the touch of someone magical and it has anti-muggle charms on it. It runs off magic, meaning that if I were to use it at home, it wouldn't work because here are only muggles around."

"So it works better when there are more witches and wizards around?"

"Exactly. You might need to get one. But we can go to Diagon Alley tomorrow."

"Why would I need to get one?" Hermione tried not to look annoyed as her friend questioned her.

"Dumbledore has decided that considering what is going on in the world at the moment, every student at Hogwarts will have to have one compulsory lesson of Muggle Studies in order to increase wizard and muggle relations and to reduce prejudice" Hermione seemed to have memorised the quote that she had read about Dumbledore's speech.

"What's this got to do with laptops?" he asked both his friends.

"Well Dumbledore's been trying to get wizards to make their own version of muggle items, you know, so that they can run off magic? He reckons that if we can get people to see what great things muggles have invented then it's a start for reducing prejudice. He hinted in the article that we would have to be using these in the lessons" Ron told him.

"So everyone at Hogwarts is going to have to have one of these?"

"We don't know that yet. We should be getting our booklists tomorrow so we'll have to see what it says. I seriously doubt that the whole school will be expected to have them though; it will probably be a thing for seventh years. I've been trying to teach Ron the basics today and he's doing ok." Harry grinned as he watched his friend type Chudley Cannons into something called WizSearch, which Harry assumed was the wizard version of Google.

"How are any of the pureblood Slytherins going to put up with this?" he joked to Hermione, as they both watched Ron jabbing at the screen to no avail.

"I think it will be very interesting to find out" laughed Hermione.

Sure enough, their Hogwarts letters arrived the next day and among the list of many books was also a Wiztop with a note next to it stating that there would be ones that students could borrow if they could not afford them. Ron grumbled at the note, as he knew full-well that his family wouldn't be able to afford one but wouldn't want to have to admit this in front of anyone at Hogwarts. Harry would have offered to buy him one but he knew better than that by now; his friend held far too much pride to accept something like that from him.

"Oh my god!" said Hermione as she opened her letter.

"Yeah we've got tonnes of books to buy, you must have loads more than us with all the subjects you're doing" said Ron.

"No-not that." She handed the letter over to Harry, who read it out loud.

_Miss Hermione Granger,_

_I would like to congratulate you on your position as Head Girl at Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Please find enclosed your badge and instructions for the Hogwarts Express and be available to attend a meeting to discuss the school rules regarding Head Girls and Head Boys at Hogwarts. As well as this, as the new school rules show that of integration and not segregation, I hope that you will portray these well as Head Girl. Because of this, I have given Draco Malfoy Head Boy status in the hope that you will be able to work alongside one another to show that Hogwarts does not accept prejudice. I thought it best to pair up a muggleborn Gryffindor and a pureblood Slytherin to elaborate on this point. I expect you both to stand by your duties and to put aside any grudges you both may hold._

_Looking forward to seeing you on September 1__st__,_

_Albus Dumbledore_

_(Order of Merlin, First Class, Grand Sorc., Chf. Warlock, __Supreme Mugwump, International Confed. of Wizar__ds)_

"What the hell is he playing at?" shouted Ron in annoyance over the breakfast table.

"Ronald Weasley! Do not shout like that when we are eating!"

"Sorry mum but seriously, Draco Malfoy? Hermione can't work with him. He's spent the past six years being a git and calling her a…a…well you know what he calls her!" he turned his direction to Harry now, wanting backup from his friend.

"Yeah I don't really think he's thought his one through, although it does seem the kind of thing that Dumbledore would come up with."

"Is that all you can say? What if he'd have made you Head Boy and Pansy Parkinson Head Girl, how would you feel then?" Ron said outraged. Harry shivered at the thought and began joining in with Ron's protests, as Hermione sat at the table speechless. She didn't want to have to work alongside that horrible ferret but if she said no, she was showing exactly the kind of prejudice that she didn't agree with.

"I have to agree" she said simply to her two friends.

"Why?" they both demanded.

"Because if I refuse the post just because I have to work with Malfoy then I'm just as bad as him. Anyway, who's to say that he won't refuse first?"

"He'd better bloody refuse!"

"Ron, watch your language."

Ron was very unsettled the whole time that the trio spent buying their books with Mrs Weasley and Ginny and kept growling at little things. At one point, he spotted Draco in Florish and Blotts and Harry wasn't sure which of them looked more disgusted with the other. He pulled Ron back into his mother's line of vision, knowing that his friend wouldn't do anything in front of her. As they left the shop, struggling with the amount of books they were carrying (Hermione especially), Mrs Weasley suggested that they go to Fred and George's shop before looking at Wiztops. She looked unnerved and Harry couldn't help but wonder if she was putting off the inevitable by not buying them just yet; it had turned out that Ginny was also expected to have one, trumping Hermione's theory that it would just be seventh years.

The shop was busier than Harry had seen it the last time he went in and could only imagine how much money Fred and George were now making. He was surrounded by witches and wizards of all ages, all mesmerised by the products for sale, so much that only a few had been quick enough to point out that he was Harry Potter. Ignoring a group of teenage girls that had asked to see his scar, Harry made his way to the front of the shop with the Weasleys and Hermione to see Fred and George and was greeted by a slap on the back from both of them. The twins lead the five of them into the back area for staff only to get them away from all the noise. Ron was playing with some form of crystal ball.

"What's this? Straight?" he asked his brothers.

"Well are you-"

"Or are you not-"

"Interested in women?" his twin brothers asked.

"I know what straight means but why is the word floating in the middle of the ball?" said Ron, ears going pink.

"It's an orientation detector, don't you know anything" Fred rolled his eyes. Ron suddenly found the object very amusing.

"Excellent! Hermione, you're going to have to try and trick Malfoy into using this: I've always suspected him."

"Ron! We're here to see your brothers not to plot against Draco Malfoy!" warned Mrs Weasley. Annoyed, Ron passed the ball over to Hermione, who looked irritated at him for expecting her to be part of exposing someone's sexual preferences. She pushed it back to him, not wanting to be a part of it and Ron grinned with delight as he noticed the smoke change to Hermione's face and spell out the word 'straight'.

"As you're here mother-"

"We were wondering-"

"Would you get any use out of a Wiztop?" they said at once.

"A Wiztop? They're definitely not for me but I need to buy one for these two" she pointed at her youngest children, who looked at their feet in embarrassment.

"I wouldn't let Ron near one. He's about the only person I know that could break something under an unbreakable charm" laughed George.

"They need them for Hogwarts."

"Well it just so happens-"

"That one of our valued customers-"

"Gave us a few of the newer models."

"Why would they give them away?" Harry asked bewildered.

"As a thank you" shrugged Fred, "some guy at the company brought loads of our supplies for people at his office so we gave him a bit of a discount for the large order. Next thing you know, he sends us five Wiztops." George gave a new Wiztop still in its packaging to Ron and Ginny before offering one to Harry.

"I'm ok. I'll get one. You can give that to someone else."

"Don't be stupid. Take it. We wouldn't even be running this business if it weren't for you." Reluctantly Harry took the Wiztop, though he reasoned with himself that he had technically paid for it with his Triwizard winnings.

Harry, Ron and Ginny spent the next week irritating Hermione with questions about the Wiztops, as she had already learnt how to use them perfectly easily. Harry found himself learn a lot faster than the Weasleys, as he had had slightly more experience with laptops than them. He had managed to go on Dudley's a few times when he was out with his friends and had soon become accustomed to how it worked. One thing that he hadn't been able to do on there, however, was use any form of chat room or instant messaging, which was something that Hermione was all signing them up for now. There was only one type of chat used by wizards, which was called Wizchat; Harry couldn't help but think that all these names were highly unoriginal but he supposed in a world where these things were new, they would have to be named simply. Once Hermione had put it onto all their computers, she set up their accounts for them, trying to explain that generally people didn't use their real names.

"I want to be 'ChudleyCannon80'" declared Ron after Hermione had explained everything to him and had assigned herself the name 'Gryffinclaw'. Soon after, Ginny became 'PygmyPuff' and Harry was left trying to think of a name; anything that he or Ron suggested, Hermione had turned down, saying it was too obvious.

"Yeah alright, 'Scarhead' is a bit obvious" joked Ron, "but 'FourEyes' isn't."

"Ron anyone can get into this chat room. What if Death Eaters are in there and realise it's Harry?"

"So 'BasiliskSlayer' is out of the question then" joked Harry, causing Ron to burst out laughing and Hermione to scowl at them both.

"Fine if you think it's funny. Just use your real name and see how many people target you!"

"I'm joking Hermione. Chill out. How about SnitchSeeker?"

"I suppose a lot of people like Quidditch so it's not really obvious that it's you…ok fine." And she created it for him. Soon enough the four of them were logged into a big wizarding chat room.

"Hey! Someone's talking to me!" said Ron in excitement.

"Who is it?" asked Harry, looking at the screen. The name was BlackAsp40 and they were seemingly making general conversation with Ron.

"What does ASL mean Hermione?"

"It means Age, Sex, Location; they want to know more about you. Most people do it before they start talking in chat rooms." Harry watched as Ron typed back to the person.

**ChudleyCannon80:- **17, Male, Devon. ASL?

**BlackAsp40:- **57, F, London. Want to meet?

Harry laughed his head off as Ron freaked out and closed the conversation window down.

"What if she finds me?"

"She won't find you Ron! Devon is a big place!' Harry reasoned, still laughing.

"What's so funny? Look some nutter's trying to talk to you too." The four of them crowded around Harry's Wiztop.

**CharmsWitch:- **Hi. ASL?

Harry went to reply before Hermione warned him not to.

"Harry, don't. If that's a Death Eater…"

"Hermione, my age, sex and location don't make me Harry Potter!"

"Yes but we're going to Hogwarts tomorrow and when you're there and you say you're a 17-year-old boy, people will realise that you at least have classes with Harry Potter and they'll question you. There are only twenty boys in seventh year."

"Alright fine. How do you expect me to talk to people then?"

"Just don't mention Hogwarts and give an age range instead of your age. Say young adult." Harry complied, although irritated at what he believed to be Hermione just being over-cautious. He continued his chat with CharmsWitch, who was a female, also young adult from Yorkshire; it was actually very interesting to talk to a stranger about their life. CharmsWitch was an orphaned only child that had been brought up by her Grandparents and Harry found that they had a lot in common. Perhaps having these Wiztops would be more interesting than he thought.

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><p>Bit of an introductory chapter but I'd appreciate it if you still let me know what you think of it and if you think it has potential.<p> 


	2. Insomnia

Ready to touch your soul

**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters and many of the places mentioned in this story. The plot is the only thing created by me.**

Thanks to everyone that has shown an interest in the story so far. I have responded to everyone's reviews in PMs so that I'm not blocking up the chapter with review responses.

Hedwig-hoots:- I tried to respond in a PM but it says that you have it disabled. I hope you enjoy my story as much as the other one that you read. Please continue to read.

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><p><strong>Chapter 2:- Insomnia<strong>

Harry's time at the Burrow had passed quickly and before he knew it, he was sitting at the Hogwarts feast, watching the sorting for the last time. He cheered along with the other Gryffindors when a first year was sorted into their house and then watched the traditional Hogwarts meal appear on the table in front of his eyes. He made his way through it with no hesitations as he spoke to Seamus, Dean and Neville about their holidays; it appeared that being muggleborn, Dean had also missed out on the craze of Wiztops and other inventions. Not everyone had managed to buy their own, which made Ron feel better about his financial situation. As they had all finished their desserts, stuffed, they all fell into a universal silence as Dumbledore stood to make his usual speech.

"Firstly, I would like to give a very warm welcome to all the new students this year and I ask the older ones to make sure that they feel at home. To all those that have returned this year, I hope that you are ready to get back into the learning mind-set. Despite everything that is going on in society, I still hope that everyone will take an interest in their studies and prove that success is possible even in troublesome times. Secondly, I'm sure that you're all aware by now of the changes that are occurring here at Hogwarts, especially in terms of compulsory Muggle Studies." Harry looked across to the Slytherin table to see that most of them were sneering at the thought of having to learn more about muggles, including even the youngest of the lot. He shook his head slightly as he brought his attention back to the Headmaster.

"These lessons will be once a week, taught by Professor Burbage and will be split as follows: all first years, all second and third years, all fourth and fifth years and finally: all sixth and seventh years."

"That must be why Ginny's year needs Wiztops too. They're not for every year, just sixth and seventh years" whispered Ron to Harry as Hermione shushed them.

"I hope that all of you will participate to the best of your ability in these classes, as it is my hope that they will help to reduce any prejudices among us. With Voldemort still at large…" Many students and some teachers jumped and gasped at the use of the name but Dumbledore ignored them and continued. "It is all the more important for us to realise that wizards and muggles are of the same species with only some differences. Any person that shows any type of discrimination, particularly towards muggles and muggleborns will be severely punished. Finally, I also ask everyone to welcome our new Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher: Professor Azuri." Dumbledore gestured at the only new member of staff, whose wavy shoulder-length hair gave him a slightly feminine look. Other than this, there was nothing to note about his appearance; if anything he looked slightly boring with light brown hair and eyes to match. He nodded in response to Dumbledore's introduction before scanning the room, eyes falling onto Harry's when he saw him. He blinked once and stared fixated for a moment before continuing his gaze around the rest of the students.

"Now off to bed" Dumbledore ordered. Everyone broke out into whispers about his speech, many of them excited about what other muggle objects they would learn about. Hermione said goodbye to the boys as she headed for the staff table to have her meeting with Dumbledore; Draco was doing the same but he looked significantly more irritated about it than Hermione. Harry thought that perhaps she had been right and Draco may not accept his position as Head Boy if he was going to have to work alongside a muggleborn.

Dumbledore had lead the Head Boy and Head Girl to the Headmaster's office, where he urged them both to take a seat as he placed himself in his usual one behind the desk.

"Now, above all, I think it is most important that you both understand how closely you will be working together. I assume you have both read the rules that I sent you with your Hogwarts owl?" They both nodded in response but said nothing.

"Very good" he continued, eyes sparkling as per usual. "You do understand of course that your duties will not be used for any means of settling grudges or house rivalry. I will monitor any points that you deduct from houses and if I feel that you are being unfair then I will call you in for a meeting. Is that clear?" Once again the two both nodded. Professor Dumbledore continued to explain that he also hoped that the two would work together despite their differences. They both seemed reluctant to agree, particularly Draco, whose face only partially showed his annoyance of having to work with someone that he considered below him.

Harry was waiting up for Hermione in the Common Room with Ron, who was pacing the room anxiously, much to the annoyance of Dean, who was trying to teach Seamus how to use his Wiztop.

"Ron, give it a rest. They're with Dumbledore."

"That doesn't make me feel much better. He's the one that thought up this stupid idea" he scowled.

"Well he obviously doesn't think there's any reason to worry then, does he?"

"Am I the only one that sees how stupid this is? Hermione and the ferret working together? He could curse her at any chance he gets."

"Right and you really think Hermione will give him the chance? She'll have him stupefied before he even gets close" Seamus reasoned with him as he poked at the keys on the Wiztop as he tried to register for WizChat. Ron grumbled in response and sat next to Harry still completely uncomfortable with Hermione having to work so closely with their worst enemy.

"Miss Granger, might I just have a quick word?" Dumbledore asked her when Draco had already left the room.

"Of course Professor." She sat back in her seat.

"I know that you and Mr Malfoy have not seen eye to eye since you've both been here but I truly hope that you will both be making an effort to help me and the other professors demonstrate that blood status is not important."

"With respect Professor, the problems between us were due to things that I can't help. My blood status is not a choice that I made and neither is the house that I was sorted into. I admit that in my years at Hogwarts, even I have developed a slight grudge for Slytherins but that is only because of the way that they have all treated me. I would hold no house grudges if it weren't for the way that they had all acted towards me."

"I understand that Miss Granger but I would still appreciate it if you were to encourage inter-house relations if it is true that your grudge is only due to mistreatment. I will not be tolerating any prejudice no matter what the stem of it is. You will no longer be mistreated by the Slytherins and I therefore expect you as Head Girl to treat them as you would treat students from any other house. Hopefully the other students will follow suit. I will also be having a private word with our Head Boy about this and you will find that he will be treating the Gryffindors in the same way that you will be treating the Slytherins."

"Professor, how can you be so sure that Malfoy will stick by these rules? His prejudice runs through his blood: it's far too deep to just be talked out of him."

"I can assure you that he will abide by my rules. He does not want the alternative. Continuous prejudice towards other students will result in expulsion from the school and I don't believe that the young Mr Malfoy would like to return home and no longer be in education."

"Why is that sir?"

"If my assumptions are correct, Mr Malfoy will be expected to take the Dark Mark when he leaves Hogwarts and this will probably also occur if he is expelled. Despite his attitude, I don't believe that this is what he wants. He doesn't want to join Voldemort. If anything, I think the changes at Hogwarts this year may make him realise what his true beliefs are instead of reflecting those of his father and may also give him the courage to make other decisions."

"I understand Professor. I will do my best to ensure that our relationship remains neutral at the very least as long as you are sure of what you have just told me."

"Thank you Miss Granger. You may leave and might I ask that you do not give anyone the information that we have shared tonight about Mr Malfoy's personal life. I understand that it is probably necessary to tell your two friends about this, considering their involvement in the war against Voldemort but please don't let this go any further."

"You have my word Professor. Good night."

Hermione didn't know how she felt about all that Dumbledore had revealed to her; of course she, Harry and Ron had all suspected Malfoy becoming involved with the Death Eaters but they never considered that it would be against his will. He always appeared so confident and proud of his family's loyalties but Hermione supposed that this had all been an act. She would still find it difficult to help him of course, taking into consideration all that he had done to them in the past six years. She felt very confused as she stepped into the Common Room to be bombarded with questions by Ron, who was very agitated by this point.

"I can't tell you here! It's late anyway. We should be going to bed" she didn't take her gaze from her two friends and appeared to be trying to tell them something with her eyes.

"Don't be stupid Hermione. Tell us!" Ron moaned. Harry glanced at the fixed look on his friend's face and then at the surrounding Gryffindors, who all seemed overly interested in what had been said between Hermione, Dumbledore and Malfoy. He realised what she was trying to suggest and rolled his eyes at Ron's obliviousness, before dragging his friend into their dorm, much to his annoyance. He ignored any protests and questions about what was going on and promptly opened his Wiztop.

"You dragged me up here just to go on that thing? I wanted to know what happened." He sat next to his friend on the bed when he gestured for him to do so before looking at the screen and realising what he was doing.

"She didn't want everyone else knowing Ron. She must have been told not to tell anyone else." Ron sat on his own bed and pulled out his Wiztop; it powered on straight away because of all the magic that was held within the castle. Soon enough, Hermione also popped online and entered into a personal chat with the two of them.

**GryffinClaw:- **Sorry but I didn't want anyone else hearing what was said.

**SnitchSeeker:- **It's ok just tell us what happened.

Hermione told them everything that been said in the meeting and what was discussed between her and Dumbledore afterwards; she was actually glad to have a screen between her and Ron, as he reacted just as expected.

**ChudleyCannon80:- **That slimy snake has made Dumbledore think he's not up to taking the Dark Mark! He's been banging on about it since he got here!

**GryffinClaw:- **Actually Ron he's never spoken about taking the Dark Mark and if he wanted to do that then why would he ever have tried to make friends with Harry?

**SnitchSeeker:- **Yeah that's true and to be fair, he's a coward. He's probably only ever done whatever his parents have wanted him to do. We don't know what he really thinks.

**ChudleyCannon80:- **So just because he doesn't want to be a Death Eater, you think it's ok that he's called Hermione you-know-what for years?

Harry had the feeling that Ron would be shouting this out loud if it weren't for the fact that their dorm mates had now joined them. He could however hear a certain amount of growling from behind the curtains of Ron's four-poster.

**GryffinClaw:- **No one's saying it's ok Ron. But what we are saying is that I have to get on with him now and as much as you don't like it, it has to happen. I'm not expecting you two to end up hanging out with him so there's no need to be like that.

**ChudleyCannon80:- **Yeah but Dumbledore expects us to be civil to them lot after everything they've done to us.

**SnitchSeeker:- **No Ron, there's nothing to be civil about if we just ignore them. Then there're no arguments and no trying to be nice either and that's not against the rules.

**ChudleyCannon80:- **Good plan mate. Right I'm dropping off. See you both for breakfast.

**ChudleyCannon80 has left the chat.**

**GryffinClaw:- **Harry, you will make an effort to be civil won't you?

**SnitchSeeker:- **Of course I will. As much as I don't like him, if there's a chance to save anyone from Voldemort then you know I'm in.

**GryffinClaw:- **Thanks Harry. Night. See you tomorrow.

**SnitchSeeker:- **See you in the morning.

The conversation window closed when Hermione signed off. Harry wasn't feeling tired yet and so looked through the many networks on WizChat, confused at how fast the phenomenon was growing. There were several that he could have joined but decided not to for now, considering 'Scotland' was a huge network that contained many people and 'Hogsmeade' only appeared to have a few. He instead chose to talk to CharmsWitch, who was now back online; he didn't know anyone else's chat names at Hogwarts and so had no one else to talk to. He was happy talking to her though. He couldn't help but think of how nice it was to talk to someone that was interested in talking to him for any other reason other than the fact that he was Harry Potter. He felt safe talking to her.

**CharmsWitch:- **So do you have a girlfriend then?

**SnitchSeeker:- **No I can't really be interested in things like that right now.

**CharmsWitch:- **Do you mean because you're too busy or other reasons?

**SnitchSeeker:- **I am busy and I have way too many things to be worrying about. I broke up with my girlfriend a few months ago.

**CharmsWitch:- **Do you still have feelings for her?

**SnitchSeeker:- **No. I thought I would do considering I still cared about her when we broke up but I don't feel that for her now. It's strange. I never thought about it before now.

**CharmsWitch:- **Maybe you never really felt much for her in the first place then?

**SnitchSeeker:- **I don't know. I'm confused now.

**CharmsWitch:- **I'm sorry. I didn't mean to confuse you. Anyway I have to go now but I'll add you as a chat friend. Accept me.

**CharmsWitch wants to be a chat friend. Accept?**

**You are now friends with CharmsWitch.**

**SnitchSeeker:- **Sorted. Sleep well.

**CharmsWitch:- Night.**

The conversation window closed and Harry became irritated as he realised that it was gone midnight. He supposed he should try to get some sleep but this had proved more difficult recently. Harry's sleep was tainted with nightmares of Voldemort, some of which he knew were real events, others just regular dreams. Sometimes, he couldn't even bring himself to sleep at all, self-inflicted he knew that but still, it was almost as if he had developed a fear of falling asleep. How could anyone fall asleep knowing what they would see once they did? No one would want to slip into unconsciousness to be plagued by vicious murders and torture by a sadistic monster but that's what Harry had to do every time he fell asleep. He never told anyone of course: he had even taken to casting muffliato when he slept, just to make sure what no one would know what was happening.

Instead of going to sleep, Harry just watched people enter and leave chatrooms, not speaking to anyone himself or even letting anyone know that he was there. He looked through the networks once more, noticing that he was now part of some that he hadn't even joined; he assumed these were automatic because of his location. He clicked onto one of them and saw that only a few people were now online in the whole of Scotland; it was strange. It was then that he decided to chat to someone; it's not like he would be getting to sleep anytime soon.

Severus Snape was in bed, restless as per usual and completely unable to sleep. He felt far too stressed and strained to even relax these days, let alone sleep. It was usually after hours of trying naturally that he eventually gave in and took a Dreamless Sleep Potion but he only did this when he really felt that he needed it. He was becoming more and more disgusted with himself by the day; he knew he was doing all this for a reason but that didn't make it any easier. He had spent most of the summer working alongside the Dark Lord, hurting, torturing, killing. He would give in; he'd stop the act and come back to the light but he knew he needed his position as a spy. He owed it to so many people: Dumbledore, himself and above all Lily. Lily, his best friend, who had died at the hands of Severus' supposed master himself to protect her son, the saviour of the Wizarding World. Severus grew angry just at the thought of it; he remembered his pleas to spare her life and that of her child, even her husband that he had once detested. But Lord Voldemort showed no mercy.

"Please my Lord, we do not know the whole prophecy. How can we even be sure that it is her son that it refers to?"

"I am never wrong Severus. It wasn't going to be that lump of a boy that the Longbottoms had; the Potters have more strength, more determination: it must be their child."

"My Lord, I don't believe in prophecies, surely a man of your intelligence doesn't either."

"I admit it. I don't believe much of these tales but there is no harm in making sure. If I were to not act on this, then there is no telling what could happen to me. What if the boy was to grow into a powerful wizard and challenge me? How do I know that it won't happen, Severus?"

"I understand my Lord but perhaps we should think over this before we make any hasty decisions."

"Tell me Severus, why do you care so much for the mudblood?"

"I have no loyalties with people like her. I just want to make sure that you are not doing anything that would compromise your power my Lord." It sickened him. He hated this. Why did he ever join this insane excuse for a wizard?

"Thank you for your concerns Severus. You are proving to be a very loyal servant."

Now here he was: still Voldemort's servant after all these years, yet spying for the light as well. He felt like a puppet most of the time: doing whatever was necessary for whoever needed it, never having the opportunity to do something for himself. Above all, his very existence thrived on protecting Harry James Potter, the son of his best friend and of his worst enemy. It was conflicting, difficult. Every time he looked into those eyes, he was reminded of the loss of his best friend and how he had been part of the reason for her death. That was of course, the main thing that had caused him so many sleepless nights over the past sixteen years: the guilt.

Severus looked down at the Wiztop on his lap, ready to close it down. He was never really going to use it, even if Albus had insisted that staff learn to use them. Well he'd learnt how to use it and now he was done with it.

**SnitchSeeker:- **Hey. Can we chat?

Why in Merlin's name would someone want to talk to him? At 1am no less! Still he responded to the message, looking in annoyance at the name that Albus had chosen for him; he hadn't quite worked out how to change it. He didn't even understand why he would need this WizChat anyway: he wasn't the most sociable person by far.

**Belladonna:- **I can't say I've had many conversations at 1am but I'm willing to try.

**SnitchSeeker:- **I haven't either really but this WizChat makes it easier I suppose.

**Belladonna:- **I suppose it does. Why don't you tell me a bit about yourself then if you want us to chat?

Why was he doing this? He didn't care about talking to people in person, let alone through a Wiztop screen.

**SnitchSeeker:- **What do you want to know?

**Belladonna:- **Gender, likes, dislikes…

**SnitchSeeker:- **I'm male. I like Quidditch and I hate people that think they're above everyone else. How about you?

Severus became quickly irritated. How was he supposed to carry out a conversation with someone whose main interest was Quidditch? Admittedly, he did like it himself in his youth but he was above all, an academic. The mysterious male did however seem to hate discrimination, meaning that at the very least, he was not a Death Eater.

**SnitchSeeker:- **Are you there? Did I say something wrong?

**Belladonna:- **Sorry I was looking at something. I'm male. I like reading and my dislikes are quite similar to yours.

**SnitchSeeker:- **Oh, no offence or anything but I thought you would be female…because of the name.

**Belladonna:- **Someone else thought it would be hilarious to put this as my name and I don't know how to change it or what to change it to.

**SnitchSeeker:- **Tap your name twice in the conversation window and then you can change it. Well if you like to read then change it to something to do with reading.

**Belladonna:- **Like what?

**SnitchSeeker:- **How about Bookworm?

**Bookworm:- **Has it worked?

**Bookworm:- **Oh it has. That's much better.

**SnitchSeeker:- **I suggested that name for a friend but she didn't want it. So why aren't you asleep?

**Bookworm:- **I have had difficulty sleeping for years.

**SnitchSeeker:- **I've always had problems like that too but not half as bad as it is now.

**Bookworm:- **Why is that?

**SnitchSeeker:- **I have too much to think about. Too much pressure. People expect things from me that I don't think are possible.

Harry didn't know why he felt so comfortable talking to Bookworm or CharmsWitch when he couldn't even say these things to his friends but here he was, talking his troubles away. It helped though, he supposed, even if he couldn't be specific.

**Bookworm:- **People's expectations can cause problems for people. I for one, know exactly how you feel. Many people expect different things from me and most of the time I wish I could ignore my duties to them.

**SnitchSeeker:- **And there's me thinking that no one else would be in a position like this. I just wish I could concentrate on living my life rather than having to do everything for everyone else.

Severus was shocked. This was exactly how he felt the majority of the time and now here he was, sitting talking to someone that felt the same. Perhaps their problems weren't that of war and death but the principle was the same; he felt a connection with this person and as the conversation continued, he only found more things that he had in common with him. Both had been neglected and abused by those that were supposed to be their guardians, both had suffered the loss of loved ones and both, it seemed, were tortured souls that needed saving. The likenesses he had with this man and the fact that he was not face to face with the stranger made it all the more easier to talk to him. This didn't mean he was quite willing to go into detail about most things; he mainly affirmed that he had experienced the same things as SnitchSeeker without any explanation. The man had seemed to accept that Severus didn't like to talk about personal things and that was something that he really wasn't used to; everyone always tried to get things out of him but this was different.

**Bookworm:- **I find it surprising that you aren't questioning me further about my life. Everyone else seems to.

**SnitchSeeker:- **Everyone does the same thing to me and it irritates me so I can tell when someone doesn't want to talk about something. Usually I don't talk about things either but it seems easier when the other person doesn't even know you. Maybe it will be the same for you eventually.

**Bookworm:- **Perhaps but it would take a lot for me to discuss such private things after years of supressing them. Anyway, I suppose I should at least be trying to sleep. It is late.

**SnitchSeeker:- **I'll add you so that we can talk another night if you want?

**SnitchSeeker** **wants to be a chat friend. Accept? **Severus accepted the request, confused but happy that this man would actually want to speak with him again.

**You are now friends with SnitchSeeker. **He noticed that there was now a personal network set up on the chat bar named 'chat friends' and that SnitchSeeker was the only one in the network.

**Bookworm:- **I have accepted. Good night.

**SnitchSeeker:- **Good night. It was great talking to you.

Severus closed the chat window and put his Wiztop away, somewhat less irritable than he had been previously. Perhaps these Wiztops weren't a bad idea after all.

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><p>Aww bonding-if only they knew who it was haha. Just so people know, I intend this to be a fairly slow-paced fic because I don't believe that anyone could fall in love fast with someone just through a chat room. Please let me know what you think. Also, it does say in the fanfic guidelines that chat style entries are not allowed but this was under the chapter entry section so I'm not sure if it means an entire chapter of it isn't allowed or if it's any at all. Does anyone know? :(<p> 


	3. Potions

Ready to touch your soul

**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters and many of the places mentioned in this story. The plot is the only thing created by me.**

**Chapter 3: Potions**

Wow! I really wasn't expecting so many people to take an interest in the story so thanks to everyone for the reviews, alerts and favourites. Hope you enjoy the new chapter.

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><p>"Harry, Ron, wake up! It's the first day and you're oversleeping! Get up!" Hermione screeched, hitting the two boys. Harry reluctantly sat up and put on his glasses; his eyes physically hurt from the lack of sleep. He had eventually dropped off after speaking to Bookworm but had as expected, had had a Voldemort-induced nightmare. He had been typing on his Wiztop, talking to someone on WizChat until a snake-like face with slits for nostrils appeared on the screen. His enemy laughed at him, baring his oddly shaped teeth before bursting through the screen; glass shattered everywhere, piercing through any part of Harry's skin that it reached. Blood poured from random parts of his body and a shadowy figure hung over him, red eyes seeing through his own. He screamed and screamed for help but as usual he had cast muffliato before going to sleep and none of his roommates could hear him. He woke up in a sweat around an hour before he was supposed to get up, after seeing a flash of green light. He hyperventilated for quite a while and laid awake, too scared to go back to sleep; he honestly thought he had only just gone back off when Hermione had woken him.<p>

"Harry, you look exhausted."

"Is that a nice way of telling me that I look like shit?" Ron groaned and covered his head with his pillow as he heard them talk; he was even less of a morning person than Harry.

"Get up right now Ron or I'll turn you into a teapot!"

With much effort, Ron pulled himself up, muttering under his breath about how being a teapot would at least mean no one would boss him about anymore. Hermione left the boys to get changed, both of them too tired to even attempt to force a conversation. Once the three of them had made it down to the Great Hall and joined the rest of the Gryffindors, Harry realised just how difficult it was going to be to concentrate through his last year at school without sleep. His two friends had had to snap him out of an exhausted daze several times throughout breakfast before finally giving up. Hermione was worried: even Ron was awake by now and so she poured Harry a cup of very strong coffee, which he accepted gratefully.

"Oh look! Our timetables are here!" said Hermione excitedly, passing Harry and Ron theirs. Harry had all of his classes with Hermione but she was also doing Arithmancy and Ancient Runes on top; apparently she thought she could cope with the workload. Harry for one, was not looking forward to seeing an overly stressed Hermione when exam time came. Ron on the other hand, had chosen the same subjects as Harry as well but one less: there was no way in hell that he was continuing Potions now that Snape was back teaching it. He didn't know how Harry and Hermione could stand it; he knew that Harry needed it to be an Auror and that Hermione just liked to take as many subjects as inhumanly possible but nothing was going to get him back in that Potions classroom.

"Great! Our Muggle Studies lesson is now! There's me hoping I could go back to bed. Maybe I'll just skip it…"

"Ron! You will not skip Muggle Studies! It's compulsory and it's only the first day back. You'll get into serious trouble" Hermione scolded.

"Chill out. I was only having a laugh. Anyway, that's the only thing I've got today so I can sleep all I want after that." Ron looked over at the other two's timetables and teased Harry about how lovely a lesson Potions was going to be on a Monday afternoon. Harry scowled at him, snatched up his timetable and went back to the Common Room with his two friends to retrieve his Wiztop for Muggle Studies.

Professor Burbage greeted them all into a classroom; Harry smiled at her as he passed her. She had always been a very nice teacher, perhaps too much so most of the time considering people tended to take advantage and not do their homework. She had a very floaty feel about her and could have been considered slightly hippyish to some: she wore flowing robes of earthy colours and often closed her eyes a lot when she was talking, almost looking as if she was trying to feel something through the air. A lot of people laughed at her for it but said nothing truly spiteful; there were after all not many negative things to say about Charity Burbage. The blonde witch directed everyone to power up their Wiztops and proceeded to do so herself and began to explain the basics to those who weren't entirely sure.

Once everyone had learned how to use their Wiztops, Professor Burbage explained how to create a chat name, after many people started questioning her about it. She explained that everyone should use a false name, as it would be safer for them to do so and then walked around the class, making sure that each of them had managed. She congratulated those that had already done this before the class and moved on, needing to give a lot more help to the Slytherins than they seemed happy with. Ron smiled with glee when he saw that Malfoy was struggling to understand how the chat rooms worked.

"I hadn't planned on showing you this really but I suppose it's something that you all will want to do at some point. Now that everyone's set up, I think you should all join the Hogsmeade network if you haven't been automatically added already; it will give you the opportunity to safely talk to people outside of the school. Though I must warn you against meeting people that you speak to in a chat room unless you are completely sure they are who they say they are. This is why we have only issued Wiztops to the older students; it is important that we think of your safety." Once everyone had joined up to the Hogsmeade network, Professor Burbage allowed them to chat to each other to get used to it for a while before disabling the chat rooms until the end of the lesson. The rest of the time, they were taught about WizSearch and how to use it without breaking any school rules; they were warned that Professor Burbage had cast anti-cheating charms on all the Wiztops in the room, meaning that they would not be able to download any essays.

After Muggle Studies was over, the students left over-excited about their Wiztops, even some of the sixth year Slytherins seemed to show some interest. Malfoy looked almost lost: he wasn't able to argue about the usage of the Wiztops, true to his promise to Dumbledore but more than anything, he didn't seem to want to. He hid it in front of his friends but he was genuinely amused by the new inventions and if he had the chance, he was willing to use them when no one would see him. Ron stared in the utmost horror when Malfoy politely waited for them to leave before leaving himself, rather than just pushing them aside and muttering insults. It seemed that his talk with Dumbledore must have already happened and he was begrudgingly accepting that there was no chance of him causing any trouble this year. He was terrified to be sent back home to that madhouse, knowing the pressures that he would once again be under. There was no way to avoid taking the Dark Mark if he was there; he had only managed to get out of it over the summer because his mother had convinced his father that he should complete his education first.

"Move it Potter!" shouted Blaise Zabini, taking Malfoy's place and shoving into him. His tiredness sent him toppling over, much to the delight of several Slytherins.

"Told you things wouldn't change" Ron uttered to Hermione.

"Move along Zabini or I will deduct points!" warned the Head Girl. He scowled at her and moved on but the trio knew that it wouldn't be the last of it.

"Good one Hermione" praised Ginny, who had just joined them, "I think even some of the Slytherins were actually enjoying using the Wiztops. They are a really good idea though: practical as well." Ginny and Hermione went their separate ways to their next class, while Ron and Harry headed back to the Common Room with Ron urging Harry to make a notice for Quidditch tryouts, as some of the team had now left Hogwarts. He left an advertisement on the noticeboard, saying that anyone that wanted to try out should meet on the pitch after lunch on Satuday and should be available to play all matches and go to all rehearsals, which would be on Wednesday evenings. The two then continued to look at their Wiztops and Harry told Ron about his conversations the night before.

"You're starting to get a thing for this CharmsWitch!" Ron accused.

"No not at all. I just liked talking to her. Doesn't mean I fancy her. I don't even know who she is."

"I suppose. So you were talking to a guy that was named after a flower as well? He sounds a bit odd."

"No Ron. Someone put his name as that for a joke. He's changed it to Bookworm now."

"So he's a nerd then?"

"No. He just likes to read."

"Don't give him Hermione's name! They'll be talking for hours." Harry felt a pang of jealousy at the thought of Bookworm speaking to Hermione instead of him and he wasn't sure why. He supposed it was just because him and CharmsWitch were the only people that he felt he could talk to about stuff and it felt nice. That was all. Harry and Ron both met Hermione at the lunch table and half-heartedly listened to how difficult she thought Arithmancy was going to be this year. Ron stuffed his face as per usual and Harry picked at his food, feeling his eyes dropping with every mouthful.

"Mate, come to the dorm and get some rest before Potions. You look shattered."

"Maybe you should Harry. I'm going to the library to do my Arithmancy homework so I'll meet you in class." Harry agreed with his friends and left for the dormitory with Ron, in need of a nap before being faced with Snape; he was gutted that he was Potions Master again. He worked a lot better in the subject when Slughorn was teaching him; at least when Snape taught Defence Harry didn't feel like he couldn't learn, which is exactly how he felt in Potions. Harry wasn't sure if he fell asleep or passed out from exhaustion but as soon as his head hit the pillow, he was gone. For once, he dreamt of nothing; it seemed that his dreams plagued him more in the night than they did during the day.

It was a while before he suddenly shook himself awake, after hearing the bang of the door when Dean and Seamus both came in.

"Sorry Harry. Didn't realise you were sleeping" said the Irishman.

"S'ok" he replied, "What time is it?"

"Five past two" Dean responded.

"OH SHIT!" Harry bolted up out of his bed and quickly grabbed his things before giving an irritated glance at his sleeping friend and running as fast as he could down to the dungeons. He couldn't believe he was going to be late to his first class with Snape; he wouldn't be surprised if the man kicked him out of the lesson, especially since he knew that he needed it to become an Auror. Breathing heavily, he opened the door to the Potions classroom and took the empty seat next to Hermione, trying his best to regain his energy. He thought he had probably just beaten the world record for running down seven flights of stairs and that was too much for him to take. He almost collapsed onto the desk, trying to catch his breath and unable to even speak to apologise to his professor.

Severus hadn't even flinched when the door banged open to reveal a very worn out and very late Harry Potter. He watched as he took his seat next to his friend and scowled as he didn't even offer an apology.

"Ten points from Gryffindor for being late Mr Potter; another ten for such a dramatic and distracting entrance and detention tonight for not having the respect to apologise" sneered the Potions Master.

"S-Sorry-Professor-I…" tried Harry through his heavy breathing.

"No time for excuses Potter. Turn to page 249 and pay attention" he snapped before continuing on his lecture without even catching Harry up on what he had missed out on. He tried to pay attention, despite the burning hatred filling him up and threatening to burst. He managed to keep his mouth closed for the lesson, even during the practical when Snape was breathing down his neck and criticising every last thing that he did. Hermione kept giving him scolding glances but didn't have the opportunity to say anything to him, considering the proximity of their professor. Harry tried his best with his potion, which was as per usual not matching up to Hermione's next to him and he felt that he could have done a hell of a lot better without black eyes piercing him so much that he was certain they were almost making a hole in the top of his head. Irritated with his almost finished potion, he bottled it up and put on the stopper before handing it into Snape along with the rest of the class.

"Might I suggest that you reconsider your wishes to continue Potions Potter? It would save both of us a great deal of stress." The Slytherins laughed at Harry as the class left the room; he hoped that Hermione would wait outside while he arranged his detention.

"What time should I be here for my detention?"

"Tut-tut Mr Potter. 10 points from Gryffindor for ignoring a question" Snape's lip curled as he watched Harry struggle not to retort in anger.

"Well I assumed that you were just saying that so everyone would laugh at me as per usual. I didn't think it was an actual question. Anyway, I have to do Potions if I want to be an Auror." Severus observed the boy in front of him: he looked exhausted and somewhat stressed despite it being the first day of term. He would have preferred to simply ask him what was wrong and perhaps give him a potion to help relax him and by the looks of it, he could probably use as much Dreamless Sleep Potion as Severus himself. However, he wanted to play his part well still; he couldn't have Potter knowing who he really was. No one knew the real him, save for Dumbledore and he even played the part in front of the old man, just out of habit. The lonely and bitter man had only developed into the way he was for being the opposite: he had once cared far too much. He had cared too much about his mother, eventually beaten to death by his own father; he cared too much for Lily, his best friend that perished because of him and after that he cared for nothing and no one. Everything that had ever meant anything to him was now gone and he was left a cold-hearted existence, with nothing.

"Ten more points. Be here after dinner and try not to be late" was the response he gave, which was what everyone expected from him.

"Yes sir." Harry left the room straight away, leaving Severus to think about his slow movements and puffy eyes. Maybe he would speak to Albus and have him offer Harry the potions; then no one would know that it was him and that he was even concerned. He would get Albus to ask to speak with him before his detention so that Severus could give him the potions tonight: that would work. Pleased with his decision, Severus began brewing more Dreamless Sleep Potion, considering he and Potter would both be needing it now.

Harry grumbled as he left the classroom and walked straight past Hermione, hoping she'd have the decency to wait until they were out of Snape's earshot to moan at him. Sure enough, as soon as they were walking up the stairs to the Entrance Hall, she suddenly turned on him.

"Harry! Why were you late? It's the first day back and you've already lost points and got detention!"

"I overslept Hermione. I can't help it. I'm tired" he snapped at her.

"Well maybe if you weren't up on your Wiztop all night then you wouldn't be so tired."

"Well maybe if I didn't have so many things to worry about I'd be sleeping!"

"Harry, do you need to talk about something?"

"No. I don't. I just need some sleep."

"Well I don't think you should sleep now because then you won't be tired tonight. Just wait until we go to bed. And listen to me Harry, me and Ron are both here for you if you do decide you need to talk. Don't snap at me for asking."

"I'm sorry I just really am so tired." He meant his apology; of course he didn't want to snap at Hermione but he didn't seem to be able to handle any pressure in the slightest at the moment. He really didn't want people moaning at him for things that weren't his fault; ok, he shouldn't have been late to Potions but he hadn't meant to be. It wasn't his fault he couldn't sleep, especially when he was having those awful nightmares. Hermione had wanted to make a start on their Potions homework and not wanting to annoy her further, he agreed and began researching the ingredients and effects of the Wolfsbane Potion. Time went by slowly as they worked together and noted everything in as much detail as possible, not wanting to leave anything out and give Snape a reason to give them hell. Everything seemed annoying to Harry at that particular moment: the scratching of his quill; the turning of the pages and above all the sound of students all around him typing on their Wiztops. His brain tried its best to block everything out and work with Hermione but it became tedious, his eyelids became very heavy and by the time the work was finished he wasn't really even sure that he was conscious anymore.

"Come on Harry, let's put these away and then we can just chill out until dinner." Harry obeyed the voice that he knew to be Hermione's and went and put his things in his dormitory before joining her and Ron back in the Common Room. They were whispering to each other and Harry himself was clearly the subject but he just didn't have the energy to be angry about it; for once, he would let it go. Hermione was probably just telling Ron about him being late for Potions and more than likely getting worried about him: she was good at that. Admittedly, he was grateful to have friends like Ron and Hermione but he was sometimes just sick of people worrying about him; it was nice to know people cared but it didn't really help the situation. Nothing was going to make him tell his two best friends the reason that he couldn't sleep at night, mainly because they wouldn't understand but also because it did seem somewhat childish. He didn't think he knew many fully-grown adults that were kept awake by nightmares but then again, not many people had such a disturbing past.

"Harry, wake up! It's time for dinner!" Ron pushed him into consciousness.

_When did I fall asleep? I don't even remember sitting down._

"Sorry. Must've dropped off."

"You fell asleep as soon as you sat down mate. Maybe you should ask Snape if you can have the detention another night, you clearly need your sleep."

"I'm not sure how that one would go Ron to be perfectly honest, especially considering the reason I have detention is because I was sleeping when I was supposed to be in Potions."

Harry went with his two friends down to the Hall and found that he had never felt so hungry in his life; he demolished enough to even impress Ron and definitely more than enough to disgust Hermione. Why was he so hungry? He didn't know and he didn't stop to think about it either. Ron and Hermione looked at one another confused when they were leaving the Great Hall and broke into whispered conversation once more when Harry left them for the dungeons.

"Harry, might I have a word?" Professor Dumbledore had caught up with him and Harry couldn't help but wonder if even he was going to moan at him for his tiredness, though he should have known to expect the opposite from the old man.

"Of course Professor." Dumbledore pulled him aside so that they were not in the way of the students making their way down to the Slytherin Common Room.

"Harry, I will make this brief as I know that you have a detention to get to." There was no sparkle in the old man's eyes as there usually was, which made Harry feel that he was doing something wrong. He started to feel guilty; perhaps he was going to get a lecture from Dumbledore as well.

"Yes sir" he said simply.

"I have noticed that you seem to be very distracted and tired today. I am not going to question you on this when there are so many people around but I would like you to come to my office at some point tomorrow evening to discuss it. I don't expect that you will be willing to tell me as much as I hope but the invitation is there should you wish to accept. In the mean time, I have asked Severus to give you a vial of Dreamless Sleep Potion tonight after your detention. I will be willing to ask him to brew more for you if it is necessary but that is only when you are able to tell me what is causing you to be so tired. I cannot just allow students to take addictive potions without knowing why." The man looked more concerned than Harry had ever seen him and part of him knew that the meeting with him tomorrow was not really a request but more of a polite demand.

"Thank you sir. I appreciate that."

"Off to your detention then my boy."

Harry walked down to the dungeons, happy that he would at least be getting some sleep tonight after his detention but he wasn't looking forward to telling Dumbledore of his sleeping issues. He usually told the professor of things like this but in this case, he knew most of the nightmares weren't real like before. This made him want to keep them private; nobody technically needed to know and then he wouldn't have to cope with the shame of his fears. He took in a deep breath and knocked on the door of the Potions classroom and waited.

"Enter."

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><p>Unfortunately I haven't had any writing time at the moment because I have a lot of uni work to do so I only have a chapter plan for the next part. I will try my best to get it out to you in a few days but that all depends on how kind my lecturers are with their workload.<p> 


	4. Detention

Ready to touch your soul

**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters and many of the places mentioned in this story. The plot is the only thing created by me.**

Firstly, thank you to everyone that has stuck by me and waited for this chapter to be uploaded. I really am sorry that it has taken so long but unfortunately, I have had a number of personal issues over the last couple of months, which has now merged into my final exam period at univeristy. You should be happy to know that my last exam is on the 7th of June and so after that I should be free to write much more often and of course enter into the world of work rather than education. Once again, thank you for sticking by me and I really hope that I haven't lost any readers over this. ENJOY!

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><p><strong>Chapter 4:- Detention<strong>

Harry opened the door and took in the sight of the familiar classroom, along with Snape's expressionless face. He slowly walked to the front of the classroom, not eager in the slightest to start his detention, bearing in mind that the Potions Master would probably have him sorting out dead flobberworms. Neither of them spoke until Harry was standing directly in front of Snape's desk, waiting to hear his fate.

Severus looked over his student and took in his appearance: his eyes had more bags than most fully-aged wizards and were only half-open as if his eyelids were being dragged down by the weight of the world; his movements were slower than usual and it seemed that every step that Potter took was a great effort; his raven-coloured hair was no messier than usual, though if it could have gotten any less presentable then it would have been a genuine cause for concern in itself. He handed his pupil a wad of parchment and a quill with ink, earning him a confused look from him.

"What will I be doing sir?"

"You will be copying pages out of the Potions book and making sure I can read the words despite your untidy scrawl." Harry was confused but did not hesitate to sit at a desk and wait for his teacher to supply the book that he would be copying. He was in luck! At least he wasn't going to have to sort out dead bugs for the evening but he just hoped his eyes would stay open. Snape left a heavy-looking book on his desk before walking back to his own to do his marking.

"Sir, what pages will I be copying?"

"Pages 139 to 154 repeatedly until I tell you to stop." This was going to be a lot more effort than he thought; Snape would probably have him there all night copying out the book. He flicked through the pages until he found page 139 and stared in shock at the potion that he would have to be writing about.

"Is there a problem Potter?"

"No sir" he gritted his teeth and looked down at the book.

"Might I suggest that you begin writing? We wouldn't want to be up all night. I can only imagine what would happen if the famous Harry Potter didn't get enough sleep" he smirked. Harry started to feel his blood boiling but ignored his internal anger and began to copy down the title: 'Positives and Negatives of the Dreamless Sleep Potion'. He should have known to expect digs about his sleeping problem, especially as Dumbledore had spoken to Snape about it. If only the old man realised how much of a git the Potions Master was.

"I thought you would find the chapter interesting Potter, considering you clearly need the potion so very much." The sarcasm ripped through Harry like a knife and this time he wasn't able to hold his tongue.

"Maybe if you took the potion yourself you wouldn't be so grumpy all the time!"

"I think my issues of being 'grumpy' as you so eloquently put it, stem a bit deeper than a lack of sleep. Perhaps if I didn't have to put up with teaching irritable fools like you then I would feel a lot happier. In fact Potter, just not teaching you would make me a great deal more cheerful. Now get back to your writing!"

Harry bit his tongue once more and forced his attentions back to the Potions book and began copying it out as quickly as he could without his writing being too messy. He didn't need to look up to know that his professor was watching him: he could feel the man's eyes burning through his skull and if he didn't know what Legilimency felt like, he would be certain that Snape was invading his mind. The first time around writing out the pages, Harry only vaguely took in the information, knowing that he would probably have hours of copying it out to understand the potion. He just couldn't believe that even someone like Snape could be evil enough to mock him so openly about an illness.

Severus studied the boy in front of him, almost trying to tell him without words to pay attention to what he was writing: it was important that he knew about the potion he was taking. Perhaps he would question him afterwards to make sure he had taken it in. It was then that Severus started to question what could have caused his student a sleeping problem in the first place. Was it the stress of everything that was expected of him? He supposed it was. Strangely enough, that was exactly the reason that Severus himself had issues with insomnia and he almost laughed at himself for spotting a resemblance between him and the son of James Potter. He guessed that during times like these, it was difficult to try and differentiate himself from anyone else, particularly when him and Potter were both leading their lives in the same direction. They were both supposed to save the Wizarding World and had far too much responsibility thrust upon them but that was where Severus drew the line: he had absolutely nothing else in common with Harry Potter.

He left the boy to continue his writing, deciding to keep quiet in the hope that Potter would actually take the hint and learn about the Dreamless Sleep Potion. He got a lot more marking done that he thought he would and was almost in a good mood after giving several 'D' marks and even a couple of 'T's, though it did genuinely distress him how some of students managed to fail so abysmally. He looked up after a couple of hours to see Harry with his head in his hands, seemingly pushing his face inwards. He seemed to be having trouble concentrating and Severus supposed that it was due to the tiredness. He stood up and looked over the boy's shoulder, hoping that he had written enough to understand the effects of the potion.

"Potter, did I not make it clear that I expected you to be writing something legible?"

"Well I can read it" he snapped back through gritted teeth.

"Well I most certainly cannot so you will have to prove to me that you have written what I have asked. I will question you." Harry growled inwardly; he was exhausted and he was somehow expected to answer questions that Snape would no doubt invent despite them not even being in the book. The man smirked at his annoyance.

"Describe to me what would happen if you were to take more than the suggested dose of Dreamless Sleep Potion" he ordered.

"Well you'd sleep for a lot longer wouldn't you? Longer than you wanted and you probably wouldn't be able to wake up."

"That's a very good understanding of the potion for a first year Mr Potter but I expect my NEWT students to explain in a bit more depth."

"I don't need this! I've copied this out loads of times and I know what it all says and you're still pestering me. Why can't you just drop it?"

"Ten points from Gryffindor Mr Potter. Watch your temper. Each and every day you remind me how quickly you are turning into your father." Harry stood up now, anger burning through his very veins and threatening to make him burst. He looked up into the taller man's eyes that pierced straight through him and for once didn't experience the fear that usually came with the penetrating stare. He simply felt livid.

"Why are you so obsessed with telling me that I'm turning into my father? Not everyone ends up like their parents or is it just what happened to you? Are you like your father? Was he an insensitive, cold bastard as well?" He knew he'd gone too far and he saw the very little colour leave Snape's face he knew he was in serious trouble. Unwilling to bear the consequences of his actions, he fled the room immediately before hearing an uncharacteristically loud shout from his professor.

"POTTER!" was all he screamed and Harry made a split second choice as to whether to run or go back into the room and face the man. He would be in much more trouble for leaving he reasoned and so breathing back his anger, he walked back into the Potions classroom. Green eyes met black and both men stood in silence, too angry and confused to even attempt to express their feelings. The professor simply stuck out his hand to offer his student the potion that he was to be taking without a single word. Harry took it from him, his eyes still fixed on the clearly irritated man in front of him and waited to see when the burst of anger would begin.

"Out" he said simply and calmly. Harry didn't need to be told twice and made his way up to the Gryffindor Common Room, walking slightly faster than he usually would have done. He knew that Snape wouldn't forget about what he had said to him but it was very unusual for him to not react to such a comment. Harry felt the slightest tinge of guilt as he realised that what he had said to the man was most likely true; his father probably was the same way that his professor was now, in fact he was more than likely the reason for Snape's anger and icy exterior. Feeling a small amount of empathy, he explained to Ron and Hermione what had happened during his detention, hoping that they would make him feel a bit better about it. This idea however, did not work and only ended up making him feel a lot worse. The combination of Ron's amusement at his rudeness and Hermione's outrage just made him realise how out of order he had been.

"Give him a break Hermione. It's not like Snape doesn't say that kind of thing to him all the time. He shouldn't dish it out if he can't take it."

"Yes but that's the point isn't it? You think he's evil because of the way that he acts but if Harry treats him the same way back that makes him just as bad. And anyway, Snape's a teacher! You can't just go round insulting teachers and expecting not to get into trouble."

"Thanks Hermione. You're really making me feel loads better" Harry moaned.

"Well honestly, do you expect to just get away with everything? He could report you to Dumbledore for this. You could even be expelled!"

"We could've all been expelled for things that we've done every single year at Hogwarts Hermione and I didn't see you stopping us. Me and Harry aren't the ones that illegally brewed Polyjuice potion in our second year!"

"Yes but you ARE the ones who illegally drank it, pretending to be Slytherins to spy on Malfoy. Hardly much better is it?" she snapped before gathering her things and heading to the girls' dormitory.

"Ignore her mate. Let's just go to bed. At least you've got your potion to drink tonight" Ron clapped him on the back and walked to the dormitory with him. Harry said goodnight to his friends before turning to his Wiztop, hoping that he could talk to someone that could make him feel better. ChamsWitch wasn't online and he sighed with sadness until he saw a message pop up at the moment of his screen.

**Bookworm wants to chat.**

**SnitchSeeker:- **Hi. How're you?

**Bookworm:- **I've been better. How about you?

**SnitchSeeker:- **Pretty shit to be honest. Just had a really bad day. Sorry I'm probably not the best person to talk to right now.

**Bookworm:- **I'm never the best person to talk to. I think I can cope with you. What happened?

**SnitchSeeker:- **I've just been feeling really ill and worn down lately so I think I've let things get on top of me a bit too much. I've argued with people today and I don't usually have many arguments.

**Bookworm:- **Were the people you argued with friends or enemies?

**SnitchSeeker:- **I argued with my best friend and with someone that I don't really get on with as well.

**Bookworm:- **Not a nice combination I suppose. Surely you are likely to make up with your friend quickly if they're that close to you and if you don't usually get on with the other person then don't worry too much about arguing with them. I am constantly bickering with people that I don't particularly get on with. I think it's human nature.

**SnitchSeeker:- **I suppose so but everything's just getting me down at the moment. Why haven't you had a good day?

**Bookworm:- **It's none of your concern.

**SnitchSeeker:- **Suit yourself then.

**Bookworm:- **I didn't mean to sound so harsh. It's just that I never really have a good day so what made today particularly bad doesn't really matter.

**SnitchSeeker:- **Well what happened to me today doesn't really matter either but I still spoke to you about it and even that made me feel slightly better about it.

Part of Severus wanted to tell this 'SnitchSeeker' to mind his own business. What did it matter to him that he had had a bad day? Especially because the main cause of it was his concern over someone that he didn't even like. He had never got on with Harry Potter and yet he still couldn't stop himself worrying and caring for the boy; it was all Lily's fault, he was sure. Anyway how could he possibly begin to explain the complex relationship between them to SnitchSeeker? Oddly though, part of him still wanted to try; he wasn't entirely sure why. He found some comfort in the fact that it was a stranger that he was talking to, almost as if he didn't need to hold up his front anymore. He still tried of course but little parts of his real self came out in conversation online that he didn't think possible but this man never judged him and genuinely listened. And so he would try: try to explain the complications of his life and relationships with others without giving away too much.

**Bookworm:- **I also had an argument today but it is complicated.

**SnitchSeeker:- **Then please explain.

**Bookworm:- **My relationship with this person is very strange. We do not get on in the slightest but I still worry about them when things aren't going well for them.

**SnitchSeeker:- **I don't mean to pry but it's not an ex is it?

Severus actually laughed out loud to himself at the thought of anyone thinking that he and Harry Potter could possibly ever have been romantically involved. He couldn't blame him for asking he supposed, considering he didn't know who either of the two people were but still the idea was amusing.

**Bookworm:- **We couldn't be further from it.

**SnitchSeeker:- **I'm sorry for asking then. Tell me what the argument was about.

**Bookworm:- **It sounds trivial really but there is clearly something wrong with him at the moment and it is affecting him badly but as we don't get on it is difficult for me to try and help but I still want to. The only way that I could think of doing something about it was to give him advice in a way that sounded as though I was mocking him. I know how ridiculous that sounds but if I just started being nice to him it would seem very strange.

**SnitchSeeker:- **I think I kind of understand where you're coming from. So you were trying to help him despite the fact that you don't really like each other. You had to pretend you were being nasty so you sounded sarcastic and he then argued with you?

**Bookworm:- **That sounds quite accurate yes.

**SnitchSeeker:- **To be honest, it sounds like this person is lucky to have you in his life. I don't know if I could do something like that for someone that I don't get on with.

**Bookworm:- **I don't think anyone is lucky to have me in their life.

**SnitchSeeker:- **Why are you always downing yourself? Haven't you ever considered that people see the good things in you and not the bad things that you seem to concentrate on?

**Bookworm:- **To be completely honest, no I haven't considered that. That isn't the case.

**SnitchSeeker:- **Maybe if you stopped being so defensive all the time then people would see more of your good qualities. Anyway I had better be going to sleep. I have a long day tomorrow.

**Bookworm:- **Perhaps I'll speak with you soon. Sleep well.

**SnitchSeeker:- **You too and please think about what I said.

**Bookworm:- **I will. Good night.

Harry signed off and immediately took his Dreamless Sleep Potion, which had an almost immediate effect. His eyes closed along with his mind as he was brought into a deep and empty sleep. Sadly, the same could not be said for Severus, who lay awake, contemplating what his mystery online friend had being saying to him. At least someone agreed with him that Potter was an ungrateful brat; saying that, he supposed the boy didn't know that Severus was trying to help. But like he said, what could he do? There were too many years of teasing and tormenting for him to take back now: there was no chance that Potter would ever believe that he was genuinely trying to help. So this was the only way. He had to pretend to hate him to help him. It all seemed stupidly twisted as far as he was concerned. He was actually craving going back to being genuinely heartless because at least that way there was no disappointment and no one to worry about. Sadly, he knew he would never go back to his old ways again, not since the death of his best friend, 16 years ago. Every Halloween he felt that ache form in his chest once more at the memory of hearing about her death and he was certain that this year would be no different. With memories of Lily in his mind, he fell into an unsteady sleep, plagued with images of a flashing green light reflected in emerald eyes.

Harry had got through the next day of school a lot better than his first; the sleeping potion really had helped him a lot and part of him wished he could sleep like that every night but he knew the likelihood of addiction and that was the last thing he needed. Hermione commented on how glad she was to see him looking well and admittedly, everything seemed so much easier after a decent night's sleep. He was able to concentrate better in his lessons and felt generally well and even happy: spending a day without terrifying thoughts in his head from nightmares had this effect. The only part of the day where he found himself going downhill was when he reached the phoenix statue that he knew would lead him to Dumbledore's office. Once he was there, he would be expected to divulge all this information about his problems and nightmares, which undoubtedly would bring everything back to him and lower his mood dramatically. He knew he had to do it if he had any hope of getting any more of the Dreamless Sleep Potion and perhaps a more permanent cure to the problem.

"Come in" called the familiar voice of his headmaster as Harry knocked on his office door, taking a deep breath before opening it and entering the room.

"Ah Harry my boy! Nice to see you. Please take a seat." Harry did so as he had done so many times before and refused an offer of what looked like a liquorice wand. He was nervous about having to speak to Dumbledore about so many things, especially things this personal but he supposed that the man deserved to know. He trusted him for one and of course there was the fact that Dumbledore was likely to be the only person to understand his fears, having conquered a Dark Wizard before.

"I assume you are here to confide your worries in me as I suggested yesterday" the blue eyes had their usual twinkle but also displayed a look of concern for Harry.

"Yes sir. I know that I need to tell you what's been bothering me but it's difficult."

"I understand that Harry. Would you rather we began by you answering a few of my questions and then if you want to elaborate then you can?" The offer sounded easier than Harry just listing his issues and so he accepted and waited for the old man to begin his questions.

"Let's start with you obvious sleeping problem. Can you tell me how much sleep you think you get in one night?"

"Erm…I suppose it varies really but generally around three hours and even that is interrupted."

"So am I correct in assuming that you find it difficult to sleep at night and wake up several times even when you do sleep?"

"Yes sir that sounds about right."

"Do you know why you wake up in the night? Is there a particular cause?"

"The nightmares."

"The nightmares about Voldemort that you have always had? About what he is doing?"

"No they're not really like that anymore. It's more like regular nightmares. I know it's not really happening but I wake up after them still."

"The fact that you are having nightmares during the time that you are actually spending asleep doesn't help matters. REM sleep that we experience when we are in a deep dream makes us almost as active as being awake."

"That would explain why I feel so exhausted all the time I suppose but there's no way that I can really stop these nightmares."

"Well there is one way of course but we've already discovered previously that you don't particularly like that option."

"Occlumency? No I was useless at it. There's really no point in me even trying to do it. Is there really nothing else?"

"The Dreamless Sleep Potion is currently the only thing in existence that possesses the power to stop a person from dreaming but as we have discussed before, it is highly addictive and can cause side effects with excessive use. I am willing to allow you to take this potion twice a week while the problem is this bad but I wouldn't advise you to stay reliant on it for too long. If I tell Professor Snape that you are to take the potion twice a week for up to a month, would that be adequate? And then if the problem persists we will have to come up with something else."

"That seems like the best idea I suppose but I am worried that the potion is only a temporary cure as well as it works. I took it last night and I feel great today but I know I can't be taking it every night. I'm just worried that nothing will work I suppose. I don't know how I'm supposed to finish my education and defeat a Dark Wizard when I don't have the energy to do anything" Harry felt like he was unloading a bit too much now but he couldn't hold it back any longer. He had spent all of this time trying to deal with his problems alone and it really wasn't helping matters and having someone listen to him that wasn't on the other side of a Wiztop was genuinely making him feel better.

"We will work something out Harry. I can assure you of that. In the meantime, might I suggest that you concentrate on your studies and what is left of your teenage life? I know this may be difficult when you have other things on your mind but I don't want you to spend all year worrying about Voldemort. We will know in advance if he is planning anything and then we can be prepared but until then I think you have other things to be thinking about."

"Yes sir. I suppose you're right but I just can't control my thoughts in that way. I will try my best to concentrate on other things and like you said, we will know in advance of his plans. I should have thought of that before."

"That's good to know my boy. Even if you do have any worries, I'm sure that you have plenty of people to talk to about them that will be willing to listen. Please don't feel as if you have to do everything alone."

"Of course sir. I have my friends and they're been through everything with me since I got to Hogwarts."

"Good. Now my last question is whether you or anyone else have noticed anything different about you besides the tiredness."

"Well yeah a few things but I think they might just be linked to the tiredness. Hermione says that I'm moving a lot slower and act as though my body is too heavy to move but I guess that's just part of being tired. I've been quite moody as well but again it's all about the lack of sleep. Oh and I've got a huge appetite at the moment but I can't think how that has anything to do with this."

"It seems that your body is trying to regain the energy lost from the lack of sleep in any way that it can. You are craving more food because you know that it is the only other way that you can get energy other than sleeping. The hunger should die down once you start to get some more sleep."

"Ok sir. Thank you for your help."

"No problem at all Harry. I will speak with Severus and make him aware of when he will need to be giving you potions. Enjoy the rest of your evening."

Harry left the office feeling as though an insanely great weight had been lifted off his chest, though he doubted he would be able to live the teenage life like Dumbledore had said to him.

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><p>Please review to keep me motivated after such a long break. Nothing helps my muse like a few nice reviews. :)<p> 


	5. Disappointment

Ready to touch your soul

**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters and many of the places mentioned in this story. The plot is the only thing created by me.**

Sorry that this has taken so long to write. Work has gotten in the way much more than I expected. Anyway, I hope you enjoy it and that it was worth the wait.

Thanks so much to my beta reader Limelight12, who has to cope with changing my ridiculous typos before the world sees them lol.

Also, to anyone that hasn't yet, please like me on facebook so that I have more people to talk Snarry with! :P

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><p><strong>Chapter 5: Disappointment <strong>

The rest of the week seemed to go faster for Harry; admittedly he was still finding it difficult to sleep but things were easier now that he had spoken to Dumbledore about what was going on. He also found that talking to Bookworm really helped, considering the man never seemed to judge him for what he had to say and in all honesty, it made a difference talking to someone that didn't know him. He even realised that however slowly, the mystery man was also opening up to him too. Harry often worried for him: he must be a very broken person to have so little trust in people and so much difficulty speaking about his feelings. Yet still, there was something about the man that intrigued him and the more he spoke to him, the more chance he thought he had of tearing down his protective walls. Little did he know that the man in question was trying to do the exact opposite and despite his many attempts at keeping things hidden, it was becoming more and more difficult as the online stranger brought traits out of him that he didn't even know he had. Neither of the pair imagined that the new found wizarding technology could have created such an intense bond between people through a screen.

Classes were surprisingly more challenging this year, with a big step up for their final year of NEWTs; Hermione had taken to the library even more often than she usually would have done even though it was only the first week. Things were becoming so stressful that even Ron was putting a bit more thought into his studies; well, as much thought as Ron possibly could put into school anyway. Harry on the other hand was happy to indulge in his studies, considering that the majority of his others issues were much more worrying and thinking about school was almost a relaxing break from war. The time that his homework took up reduced the amount of time spent thinking about Voldemort and how he was going to even come close to battling the monster. He had decided that he was going to ask Dumbledore for private tuition but he wasn't sure if his headmaster would agree to it after all the time that he should be spending studying. The way that he looked at it was that any combat training would of course help him in his defence lessons, as well as any others where the spells could be useful.

As if there wasn't enough to think about as it was, quidditch try-outs had come around and everyone was anxious, particularly Harry, who as captain would have to make the difficult final decision on who to let into the team. He was of course concerned about people's disappointment and how they would react to this, considering most sport players found it hard to contain their anger. However, this 'egotistical nonsense' as Hermione called it, barely compared to the issues that Harry had had last year with incapable people trying out and even people that weren't in Gryffindor. He only hoped that it didn't happen again, as he wasn't sure how he would deal with first year Hufflepuffs falling ten feet from the ground. He left the conversation there though, fully aware that this was the one and only thing that Hermione would never comprehend. Ron wasn't conversing at all, as he was currently reading more books than anyone other than Hermione had read in the past week. The one time he had poked his head around the corner of '1001 mistakes not to make in goal' was to argue with Hermione that of course there was more than one mistake a goalkeeper could make.

Time drew nearer and Ron became gradually paler, until Harry was sure that he'd soon make the Hogwarts ghosts look tanned. Taking a deep breath, Harry stood from his comfy common room chair to retrieve his quidditch robes and drag Ron down to the stadium. If he didn't know how nervous his friend felt, he'd have been annoyed at his slow walking, as he wanted to be there before any of the people trying out showed up. The two friends got changed in absolute silence as they both let their different concerns hit them. Given that they were half an hour early, Harry decided that the best way to stop Ron from being sick over the grass was to get him in the air. The captain took the chaser position and repeatedly attempted to score against the red-headed man, who let the first few slip until his shakiness died down and he became more confident.

"That's it Potter, train up your friend before anyone else tries out because that's fair!" shouted a voice after Ron's twenty-fourth save. Flying back to the ground, Harry realised that the bitter comment had come from a younger looking Cormac McLaggen and assumed it must have been the boy's younger brother.

"There is difference between training someone and playing a game to pass the time" Harry said coolly, "are you going to tell me who you are before you make another stupid comment?"

"McLaggen, Timothy McLaggen" replied the boy with a smirk.

"Who does this guy think he is, James Bond?" laughed Dean Thomas.

"Who?" replied everyone but Harry.

"Well McLaggen, I think it's best that you know that the criteria has changed slightly for the team this year."

"How so? Friends of the captain only?" he joked. Ron glowered at him.

"No actually. Anyone that chooses to be a complete dick has absolutely no chance and right now, I'm considering turning you away from try-outs. I suggest you either shut your mouth or get off the pitch." Surprisingly the boy actually stayed quiet, other than some mutters under his breath that Harry couldn't quite make out. A year of being captain had made him more confident in imposing his position on people, particularly those who he didn't really care for.

"Right, unless anyone else has got any stupid comments or accusations, I suggest we get on with the try-outs before I lose my mind. Anyone going for chaser can stand to my left, beaters to my right and any keepers in the middle." Everyone but McLaggen moved to where they were told.

"What about if we want to go for seeker?" he asked, causing everyone to laugh. Harry probably would've found it funny himself had he thought for a single second that the boy was actually joking but if he was anything like his brother, Timothy really was just being a dick.

"Are you having a laugh mate? Harry's the seeker" Ron questioned, still red in the cheeks from laughter.

"No, MATE, I'm being serious. I thought the best of each position got in the team so what if someone's actually better than him?"

"I'm the captain McLaggen! I'm not going to leave the team."

"Well no but if I'm a better seeker than you, you could play a different position." The rest of the Gryffindors just stared in shock, feeling as if they were in a failing comedy sketch show. Harry quickly became infuriated with the cocky boy that so much resembled his older brother and quickly made a hasty decision that he instantly regretted.

"Ok, McLaggen, if you really think it's necessary, you can try out for seeker."

"Harry, what the hell?" shouted Dean, and several others appeared to agree.

"If he wants a challenge then I'll give him a challenge. We're going to play a mock game as there is enough of us. Those that don't get to play will still be tested fairly. Ron, Ginny, Demelza, Dean, Jimmy and Ritchie, you can join me and McLaggen, you can pick your own team out of the rest."

"So you get to have last year's quidditch team and I get stuck with a bunch of pansies? Is that how it works?"

"FINE! You take them and I'll have anyone else."

Ten minutes later, Harry was in the air with six others that he hadn't ever really spoken to, most of them fourth years and the score was already 40-0 to McLaggen's team. The captain's team barely had possession and even when they did, the goals were easily saved by Ron and despite Harry's pride at that, he couldn't help wishing that his friend would let a couple in to help his team. He furiously scanned the field for the snitch, concerned for the first time ever that he might lose his position as seeker and a cock like McLaggen certainly didn't deserve it.

Harry smacked himself in the head several times as his chasers failed to get the quaffle; one girl even screamed and ducked when it was passed to her. He needed to find that snitch and save himself the humiliation of being beaten by an amateur. A flash of gold made the adrenaline pump through his body until he realised it was Demelza's watch and his heart sank as he continued patrolling the pitch. By now, he had stopped paying attention to how abysmally the chasers were playing as he searched hungrily for the tiniest quidditch ball with McLaggen close on his tail. Harry wondered if the boy even had experience as a seeker or if he just felt like challenging 'The-Boy-Who-Lived'. He was pretty certain that McLaggen was simply just going to follow him in the hope that he could beat him to it once it was spotted.

His eyes on Harry, Timothy failed to notice the glimmer behind him as the wings fluttered the tiny ball away from the two seeking it. McLaggen was a lot closer to it but Harry just had to go for it in the only way that he knew how: the Wronski Feint. He acted surprised and dove down as fast as he could, plummeting fifteen feet in one second. Panicking Timothy followed suit and looked around for the ball that he was supposed to spot but it was all to no avail. Before he could even consider what Harry was doing, the green-eyed man had pulled his broom back up and accelerated before the snitch, catching it smugly in his hand before tapping back down to the ground. Everyone but the younger McLaggen cheered at Harry's success and Ron let out a sigh of relief as he grinned at his friend.

"That's cheating what you just did!" McLaggen raged.

"Actually McLaggen, it's called feinting and it's a part of quidditch. Anyone that knows enough about the sport would recognise it and the fact that you had no idea and just followed me shows that you don't have the ability to play as seeker on my team. Thank you for trying out but I'm going to have to ask you to leave the pitch now while I continue my try-outs."

Timothy said nothing in response but pulled out his wand, only to find fourteen others pointing directly in his face. Scowling, he left the stadium and kicked himself all the way back to the Gryffindor Common Room.

"Oh bravo Potter. Beating a fifth year by cheating and showing off about it." Harry turned to see Malfoy smirked and oddly, he was alone.

"Piss off Malfoy. Harry's already had to deal with one dickhead today and he doesn't need another one in his face."

"Who asked you Weasley? Anyway I won't be hanging around."

"Why are you even here Malfoy?" demanded Harry, "Slytherins were banned from the pitch for this time slot."

"Ah well you see Potter, I have special permission from the headmaster. I am here to get Granger. Apparently we have some important meeting to attend but first I thought I should offer my congratulations on your 'talents.'"

Ron swore until the blond left the pitch, approaching their best friend and eventually walking off with her. The attention was brought back to the try-outs, as Harry declared that none of the players from his team would be making the team but thanked them anyway. He then allowed the others to try out before deciding very fairly on maintaining the same team as last year, along with Dean Thomas as a chaser. Happy with the decision and the way that the try-outs had gone, Harry beamed at his team, noticing that as he did so, Ginny blushed slightly. Feeling awkward, Harry looked down at his feet and waiting for the moment to pass; how was he supposed to play alongside someone that still clearly had feelings for him when he felt nothing? He'd come to that decision now and as much as he was surprised by it, he couldn't help his non-existent emotions.

"Hey mate, Ginny wants to go to the lake with us to chill for a bit before dinner. Do you fancy it?" Ron had asked Harry right in front of his sister, making it very difficult for Harry to refuse.

"I'd love to but I really need to go and see Dumbledore to ask him about those private lessons."

"Isn't he in a meeting with Hermione and Malfoy? He won't be out of that yet so you can come for a bit can't you?"

"I dunno mate. I'm pretty knackered to be honest. I wanted a lay down before dinner."

"It's me, isn't it?" Ginny said bravely.

"No, of course it isn't. I'm just honestly tired" Harry lied through his teeth, feeling bad as he did.

"You've been acting strangely around me for a while now Harry. Are you sure you're not just making excuses?"

"No of course not. I'm sorry. I've been acting strangely with everyone because of everything that's been going on and the lack of sleep and stuff. Haven't I Ron?"

"Yeah, he's been worn out Gin. Don't be so paranoid."

"Sorry Harry. I'm being silly. Just forget my big mouth please" Ginny replied guiltily, making Harry feel even worse. It wasn't her fault that Harry felt nothing for her and so why should he be making her apologise? If anything he should be being honest with her and saying sorry himself.

"Don't worry about it Gin and you know what? I'm being stupid: I can come down to the lake for a bit. I can have an early night instead of a nap." The three of them changed out of their quidditch robes and made it down to the lake and admittedly had a pretty good time. It was then that Harry realised what a complete dick he was being to his ex-girlfriend, considering that she'd done nothing wrong. They'd only broken up because of the war and Voldemort and she'd been nothing but nice to him ever since, albeit slightly awkward. Of course she was still going to have feelings for him; he was the strange one, as he knew that his feelings for her shouldn't have disappeared so quickly.

Hermione arrived back in the common room just before dinner to meet her friends, finding them both sloped across armchairs, looking exhausted.

"How did it go Harry? Did you pick your team ok?" she asked him, only partially interested.

"You don't have to ask Hermione" Harry laughed.

"Well I don't want you to think that I don't care. Who did you pick?"

"Same as last year but with Dean as well. The others were just shocking as you probably saw."

"Well at least you know you've got a good team. Well done Ron."

"Thanks 'Mione. I'm going to go and write to Mum and Dad to tell them I've made the team again. I'll meet you two back down here."

"So what else did you get up to while I was in the meeting?"

"Just went to the lake with Ron and Ginny really."

"Oh, how are things with her?"

"Weird" was the only word he could use to describe it.

"In what way?"

"Hermione, you're friends with us both. I don't want to put you in the middle."

"Harry, just tell me. It looks like you need to tell someone and I know you can't talk to Ron about his own sister."

"You're right. I have been a bit off with her because I know that she still has feelings for me and then I realised that it's out of order because it's natural for her to feel that way."

"Ok well if you've realised that then what exactly is the problem? Surely it's better now?"

"It would be but now I'm confused."

"I can practically read your mind Harry Potter so don't even consider keeping the next thought in your head. Just tell me."

"Ok fine. You're so bloody pushy. I don't think that I have feelings for her anymore and I know how bad that sounds and how ridiculous it is but I just can't feel anything" he looked into the chocolate eyes of his best friend, expecting there to be anger in them. He was pleasantly surprised that there wasn't.

"Harry, don't blame yourself for that. You can't help how you feel about anyone or anything. But if you don't mind me asking, what's changed?"

"Everything's changed Hermione. Do you really think I've actually even got time to think about a relationship? I'm supposed to be thinking about school and Voldemort not girlfriends."

"Maybe that's all it is Harry. Maybe you just haven't got the time to consider a relationship but that doesn't mean that things won't change after the war" she said kindly.

Harry wanted to tell her that it seemed unlikely but they were then interrupted by a very hungry Ron, who demanded that they go down to dinner. He proved his point by stuffing his face with everyone on the table as soon as they got there; Harry was glad that after his sleeping had improved, he wasn't eating a ridiculous amount and pulling the same disgusting faces as Ron.

"So, are you going to tell us about this meeting then?"

"Oh right. It was just basically about this whole anti-discrimination thing, saying that we have to report any kind of abuse to Dumbledore personally and to keep our eyes open. He's really cracking down on it."

"Does he seriously think that Malfoy's going to go grassing up his mates for being rude to muggleborns?"

"E's mental if e finks dat" said Ron through mouthfuls of mashed potatoes.

"I really don't know what he thinks. All I know is that he's trying really hard to stop people discriminating. Apparently the other day, someone was asking if the rumour about Professor Sprout being a lesbian was true and said something a bit rude and now they've got detention for a week and they're being put on an offender's list."

"I can't believe they're going that far. Don't get me wrong, it's brilliant but after all this time they really think that people can just change?" Harry asked.

"To be honest, it sounds more like people are being forced to change" Hermione reasoned, "I'm not really sure if it's going to do any good or not. People will behave at school not to get punished but still think the same things" Hermione reasoned.

"Is Professor Sprout really a lesbian?" Ron asked after finishing his plate of food.

Harry didn't know what possessed him to open his Wiztop when he got into bed that night, especially considering how tired he truly was. He just had to speak to Bookworm before he went to sleep, to tell him about his day and to ask his advice on things. They did it almost every night and when they didn't, something just didn't feel right to Harry. To anyone else, it would sound like Harry was using the stranger to offload his issues but it was much more than that: he liked this man and he didn't even know why. He found him interesting and he had a compulsion to find out more about him and give him advice on the very rare occasion that he asked for it. He didn't understand any of it and all he knew was that he was closer to this man than he should have been and some part of him liked that.

**BW:- **So have you had an interesting day?

**SS:- **I suppose I have yeah. Couple of disputes here and there haha. Had a bit of an awkward moment with my ex though and now it's left me all confused.

**BW:- **What exactly are you confused about? I've always found that an ex is an ex for a reason.

**SS:- **Well we still cared for each other when we broke up. Neither of us did anything wrong as such. It was just something that had to happen. I'm confused because my feelings seem to have completely disappeared in a matter of a couple of months and I know that I shouldn't really feel like that.

**BW:- **People react completely differently to break ups. I suppose some time apart showed you that you didn't miss them in that time and therefore that you don't necessarily want a relationship with them.

**SS:- **I suppose that makes sense. That helps. I thought I was just being inhuman, especially considering that she still has feelings for me.

That one word really got to Severus more than he knew it should have done. 'She' confirmed that his online friend was interested in women. Throughout all this talking online, Severus was certain that there was a closeness that went further than friendship going on between the two of them. The man cursed himself for even considering that he had feelings for someone, particularly someone that he'd never met before. It was so unlike him, 'The Ice King' to feel anything for anyone and yet, here he was, disappointed in the fact that his friend was straight.

_I've been reading this wrong all along. Closeness doesn't necessarily mean attraction and anyway only someone insane would consider romantic feelings for me. I've never needed a relationship and I certainly don't need one now. Perhaps I should just tell him to not bother contacting me again._

_**Don't be stupid! That makes it obvious that you feel something for him! Why can't you just be friends with him like you were before?**_

_Because before I didn't think that we were just friends. It felt like more. What's the point in wanting something that you can't have and settling for second best? Might as well move on and forget about it._

**Coward.**

**BW:- **It doesn't make you inhuman to not feel something for someone. People never chose how they feel about someone and no one would ever consider saying that feeling something is wrong so how can anyone say that not feeling something is wrong?

He wasn't really sure if he was talking about SnitchSeeker's lack of interest in his ex-girlfriend or in himself but either way he supposed he had made his point.

**SS:- **You're actually right. No one else has put it quite like that. Who'd have thought that someone you've never met could give you better advice than your best friends?

**BW:- **I thought that we were friends? Or am I mistaken?

**SS:- **No! I'm sorry. That's not what I meant. Of course we're friends. I just meant…don't you sometimes find it odd how easy it is for us to talk to each other about things, even though we don't really know that much about each other?

**BW:- **Well I don't normally discuss personal affairs with strangers if that is what you are insinuating.

**SS:- **I don't really like discussing personal things with anyone to be honest so this is very strange to me. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to offend you.

**BW:- **You have not caused any offence at all. But as you said, it is odd that we both discuss things with each other that we wouldn't with anyone else. Don't you think that we should get to know each other a bit more?

**SS:- **I don't really know how to say this but I don't want to say anything that would reveal my identity. This has nothing to do with you as such but I'm very wary of meeting people in ways like this. Something bad happened to a friend because of it once.

**BW:- **Well we could come up with some form of arrangement where we don't have to answer something specific if we feel that it could give something away. I feel the same way as you about revealing who I am currently. Shall we say that we can get to know each other without breaking any boundaries?

**SS:- **That sounds perfect. Maybe we can start doing this tomorrow? I know I should be getting to bed soon.

**BW:- **I look forward to it. Do sleep well.

**SS:- **You too. Night.

**BW:- **Good night.

Severus took a deep breath as he put the Wiztop away for the night, hardly believing that he was willing to let someone else in so easily. He never discussed personal things and if he was being perfectly honest, he didn't particularly want an internet stranger to know these things. But he wanted to know more about this SnitchSeeker and how could he freely ask the man questions if he wasn't willing to answer some himself? He knew it would have to be an equal relationship if the friendship was going to go anywhere and if he made a fool of himself, it would be easy to just forget the man and never speak to him again, not that he would ever want that to be the outcome.

He felt strange about how quickly he had considered continuing their friendship after discovering his sexuality but he supposed a friendship was better than nothing. After all, just because the man had an ex-girlfriend did not make him automatically heterosexual; he could just as easily be bisexual. Severus knew that only more prying would give him the answers he was looking for but if it turned out that there was no chance whatsoever, he would move past it. If there was one thing that Severus had learnt that night, it was that there was more to being human than filling yourself with bitterness but most of the time, this still always led to disappointment.


	6. Make It Work

Ready to touch your soul

**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters and many of the places mentioned in this story. The plot is the only thing created by me.**

I don't actually know how to start an apology for how long this has taken. I honestly have had too much to deal with and haven't been able to concentrate on anything at all. Nevertheless, the chapter is now here and I hope that you all enjoy it and decide to forgive me for being awful at updating. Things will hopefully get better and I will be able to update more regularly. Thanks to everyone for your patience and special thanks to Limelight12 (my amazing beta-reader).

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><p><strong>Chapter 6: Make It Work<strong>

Over the past few days, Severus had been getting to know his online friend a bit better, while avoiding giving any part of their identities away, as agreed. Their interests were mainly different with only a few crossovers and strangely, their diversity only drew them closer. Severus became very interested in what SnitchSeeker had to say, even when he blurted on about quidditch. It was the passion behind the conversation that drew him towards the man, finding himself wanting to know more about the subject just simply because his friend enjoyed talking about it. From the conversations that the two often shared, he had interpreted that the man possessed a vast determination, much like he had himself before he grew old and tired. It was this that made him suspect that his companion was somewhat younger than him but the more he thought about it, the more he realised that he didn't mind so much. He didn't appear to be significantly younger and in any sense, age gaps were not as important in the wizarding world as in the muggle world. All the same, his paranoia kicked in and he had almost asked the man's age just to make sure that he was even an adult. He could just imagine spending all this time talking to him to then find out that he was possibly even a student of his.

Severus growled to himself in frustration. Why did he have to get involved in all this stupidity? Wiztops? What was even the point in them? Albus had said it was to get in touch with the muggle world and show what kind of creations they've made without magic. But that didn't mean that Severus had to use it; he could appreciate what the muggles had done without having to try the blasted thing himself but no, he had chosen to use it. His worries about the man's age plagued his thoughts to the extent that during conversation, he was unable to think of anything else. He could barely answer any of his friend's questions and eventually blurted out his question when it wasn't even relevant.

**Bookworm:- **How old are you?

Harry looked at the screen with a touch of panic, knowing that Hermione had warned him against revealing this information and in all honesty, he understood why. What was he supposed to say? He didn't want to make it sound like he didn't trust Bookworm or that he was hiding something but what else was he supposed to do?

**SnitchSeeker:- **I thought that we weren't going to discuss anything like that to protect ourselves?

He thought he'd played that cool. It wasn't offensive and it showed that he didn't want to answer the question.

**Bookworm:- **Are you not concerned that there might be a significant age gap between us?

Oddly, Harry hadn't actually thought of that at all. He had just simply enjoyed talking to this man. Now he thought about it, the man could be as old as the woman that had tried to chat Ron up during the holidays. He didn't mind having an older friend, considering that his maturity reached that beyond an ordinary 17 year old but what if he was 60? Would it matter to him then?

**SnitchSeeker:- **I hadn't thought about it but I guess you're right? How about we can ask if we are older or younger than a certain age?

**Bookworm:- **Ok that sounds fair. Are you younger than 30?

He didn't know why he picked 30 but it seemed to make sense. Severus was 37 and so he would get the gist of whether the man was the same age range as him or not.

**SnitchSeeker:- **Yes. Same question.

Severus sighed. Their friendship was about to be over. He hadn't thought that the man would be that much younger than him in reality; he seemed to be quite mature but once he knew that Severus was much older, he surely wouldn't consider continuing their friendship.

**Bookworm:- **No.

He didn't know what else to say. There was no need for further explanation: he was old and that was that.

**SnitchSeeker:- **Ok. Are you older than 40?

**Bookworm:- **No I'm not. Why does it matter? We know that we're not similar ages so I thought that you wouldn't want to take this further.

**SnitchSeeker:- **Why would that make a difference?

**Bookworm:- **Does it not bother you?

**SnitchSeeker:- **No. I suppose it should but it doesn't. Isn't it more important that we get on?

**Bookworm:- **I guess you're right.

Severus couldn't help but give a very small, one-sided smile, relieved that he wasn't about to lose his talks with this man. Saying that, he still hadn't confirmed whether the man was in fact a man and not a boy.

**Bookworm:- **I'm sorry to ask this but because you're younger than me, I just need to ask for my own concerns. You are an adult, aren't you?

**SnitchSeeker:- **Yes I am. Do I act like a child then?

**Bookworm:- **That isn't what I meant. I just needed to know. People get accused of all sorts of things when they form friendships with younger people.

**SnitchSeeker:- **Well, I'm legally an adult and mentally even older than that.

**Bookworm:- **I've worked out that much for myself. I didn't think you seemed much younger than me at all.

**SnitchSeeker:- **Does it bother you then?

**Bookworm:- **I thought it would but no, not at all.

"Harry, stop smiling at your bloody screen and come down for breakfast now!" groaned Ron.

**SnitchSeeker:- **Sorry I have to go. Talk to you later.

Harry closed the chat window and turned quickly to his friend.

"Sorry mate. I was just chatting."

"I'm starting to think that you're becoming addicted to that thing."

"I'm not. I just like talking to the friends I've made on there." The two made their way down to breakfast along with Hermione, who had joined them in the Common Room. Breakfast didn't last long enough for Ron, who would have quite happily skipped his lessons to eat more, which Hermione commented was not humanly possible. The trio made their way to their Muggle Studies lesson, meeting some of their classmates along the way and unfortunately having to cope with the incessant giggling of Lavender and Parvati, much to Hermione's annoyance. Harry and Ron chose to ignore them and discuss quidditch, leaving their female friend to tut at both of the conversations that she was now overhearing.

Once they were in the classroom, they sat as far away from the noisy girls without merging into the Slytherin side. Harry couldn't help but notice how strangely quiet Malfoy was being, taking into consideration the amount of snarky comments he would have usually made by now. Ron seemed to be thinking along the same lines as he glared in the direction of the blond.

"Something on my face Weasley or do you just like to look at me?" he smirked.

_There we go!_

"Shut up Malfoy!" responded Ron, with as much sophistication as ever, turning his back to his enemy and staring instead at the Wiztop screen in front of him.

"That's enough Mr Malfoy and Mr Weasley" the professor said calmly, "we need to begin the lesson now and I would prefer it if you could refrain from any drama for the rest of the lesson. So how is everyone getting on with the Wiztops?"

As expected, the class seemed fairly reluctant to answer, even Hermione closed her mouth once she realised that it wasn't a question to test her intelligence. Professor Burbage did not seem disheartened and instead continued to question the class about any problems that they may have experienced. As a few people tentatively admitted to a few difficulties, the teacher explained to the class what they had done wrong and how to avoid that situation in the future. Harry and Hermione couldn't help but snicker slightly at Ron's confused face when Professor Burbage accidentally slipped into computer jargon, baffling the majority of the class. During the silence that followed, the trio could still hear a whispered conversation going on between Parvati and Lavender and apparently, so could the professor.

"Miss Patil and Miss Brown, would you care to explain what is so interesting that you feel the need to constantly chatter during my lesson?" she was composed but there was slight annoyance in her voice that dropped the smiles off the two girls' faces.

"Sorry Professor. We will pay attention" said Lavender, twisting her hair round her fingers with nerves.

"Do you not find my class interesting Miss Brown?"

"Of course Professor Burbage" Lavender responded enthusiastically, "we were discussing something to do with the Wiztops."

"Then please share."

"It's n-nothing. We were just talking about using the chat rooms."

"What about the chat rooms?"

"Just the friends that we had made on there and how strange it is that you can get so close to someone that you haven't met yet."

"YET?" questioned Professor Burbage. Her face displayed an expression of shock that Harry didn't think was possible on such a calm and collected person.

"What do you mean by that?"

"Well just that I'm planning to meet up with this boy…"

"No, no, no! You don't just meet up with people that you talk to in chat rooms. They could be anybody!"

"But we get on so well. He likes all the same things that I do."

"Don't you see how easy it is to make that up? Right, I think we'd better have a lesson on privacy today, which isn't what I planned but it seems that it's necessary." Lavender blushed and averted her eyes from her professor, as she realised the stupidity of what she had said. She trusted this boy and she didn't care what Professor Burbage thought about it all but now she was going to have to listen to stupid stories about people getting kidnapped or whatever else the teacher was going to talk about.

At the end of class, Professor Burbage apologised that the lesson hadn't been as interesting as she had planned but explained that she didn't want them all to learn about trust and privacy the hard way. The fact that a teacher was actively telling them to be careful with who they spoke to online made Harry feel even worse about his friendship with Bookworm. He considered speaking to Ron and Hermione about it but his thoughts were completely interrupted by some unconcealed eavesdropping on Lavender's ranting.

"Who does she think she is embarrassing me like that in front of EVERYONE?!" She was talking to Parvati but the other girl was barely getting a word in as her friend continually complained about the teacher and what an 'old hag' she was. "I don't care what she says though. I'm still talking to him and before I know it, we'll be meeting up and then we'll fall in love and be happy and then I'll show her!"

Harry quite literally had to force his hand over Hermione's mouth to stop her from screaming at the girl in frustration; stupidity irritated her and when it came to Lavender, she held no patience. He didn't think to stop Ron from opening his mouth though and to everyone's surprise, he piped up.

"You really do live in a poxy little fairytale, don't you?" he asked her, looking sickened. His ex-girlfriend just stared back at him, lost for words, which was a first for everyone to see.

"What do you mean?" she answered slowly.

"You talk to some random stranger online and tell him all your secrets, thinking that he is even interested and then you actually complain when people tell you to be careful? I'll tell you what, we'll let you do whatever you want but if you get used then don't come moaning to anyone about it." Harry looked around at his friend, taking his hand away from Hermione's mouth and realising that the redhead genuinely looked as shocked as everyone else about his outburst.

"You're pathetic Ron! You think you can say all this and I won't realise why you're saying it? You're just jealous because you've realised that you shouldn't have let me go and now someone else is interested in me you just can't handle it. I deserve to have someone want to be with me and I'm not having you talk to me like that just because I want to be happy." She spoke so erratically that she was red in the face and if it wasn't for Parvati dragging her away somewhere, Harry was certain that she would have gone on for hours. It wasn't until she was completely out of sight that the trio could no longer hear her protests and after a shout of the word 'twat', they began talking amongst themselves again.

The rest of the day was not quite as eventful but that was to be expected considering that Harry's only other lesson of the day was potions. The Potions Master appeared to be in his usual bad mood, making snide remarks at anyone that said a single word about anything and refusing to acknowledge Hermione's perfect first attempt at a Cure-All potion in comparison to the other burnt cauldrons in the classroom. He did of course choose to comment on the fact that Harry had failed miserably and stated that his potion was more likely to kill people rather than cure them but that was just something that he expected from the man. Harry just wished that Hermione would realise that nothing impressed their dungeon bat of a professor, as she still looked disappointed every time that he passed off her attempts. As the lesson finished, Harry grumbled to Hermione about the ridiculous amount of homework that their least favourite professor had given them once again and they both headed to the common room.

As he had expected, Harry found that the final year of school was significantly harder and more strenuous than the previous year. Part of him wanted to change his career path and take less time-consuming and difficult subjects. Harry growled in annoyance at the ink spillage that he had just made on his almost-completed potions homework; he'd spent a solid hour and a half on it to make a start, as well as to benefit from some help from Hermione.

"Calm down Harry. It's not the end of the world" said Hermione, in what was supposed to be a reassuring manner.

"It's alright for you. You're smart and you love homework. It wouldn't make a difference to you if you had to do it again. You'd probably even enjoy it!" he snapped, not really angry at her but having no one else to take his anger out on.

"There's no need to shout at me just because you've got your wand in a knot. You'd better start your essay again and this time you definitely won't have my help." She stormed off with her completed pile of homework, leaving Harry alone, feeling slightly guilty, yet still very irritated.

"What's the matter with you? You could cut up the Philosopher's Stone with the sharp look you're giving that homework" joked Ginny, who had just entered the Common Room.

"Do I look like I'm in the mood to have the piss taken out of me Ginny?" he retorted, emerald eyes shooting daggers at anyone and everyone that looked at him as he raised his voice at the girl.

"No. You did look like you wanted some help but I guess I was wrong" she responded coolly, totally unaffected by his rage, which Harry assumed came from being used to Mrs Weasley's shouting.

"Look, I'm sorry. I've just ruined my homework and it took me ages to even do the research, let alone write the fucking thing."

Ginny looked down at the ink-stained parchment, noting that the middle was completely illegible and that it was smeared from where Harry had obviously tried to wipe off the ink.

"You only have to copy it out again" she reasoned.

"I can't even read most of it."

The red-headed witch cast a whispered spell on the parchment, which caused the spilled ink in the middle to thin out and only slightly spread the ink so that the writing was more readable, even if it required concentration.

"You're going to have to teach me that one" he said, smiling at her, "Thank you."

"Anytime. Maybe you should leave it for now and do something else? There's no need to get yourself all stressed out over nothing. I know you have problems sleeping when you're wound up."

"Yeah you're right. I think it's definitely a night to take a potion."

"What do you mean?"

"Oh right, I didn't tell you. I had a lot of issues sleeping and so I'm getting potions to help but only on nights when I really feel that I need it."

"Oh, well I hope they're working for you." Ginny looked solemnly at the floor as she spoke and it bothered Harry that he had been the cause of her sadness. He knew that she was disappointed that he hadn't told her sooner. This was the point when he realised what he was doing to her and she most definitely didn't deserve it: it wasn't her fault that he didn't have feelings for her anymore and they could easily still be friends. He was going to make a bigger effort from now on, he decided.

"I know what will make me feel better."

"What's that?"

"We can go down to dinner together and then afterwards, we can go for a fly. It's not too cold out and it always relaxes me."

"Are you sure you want me to go with you?" Ginny asked, pleasantly surprised.

"Only if you want to."

"Yeah of course."

So after the feast, Harry headed down to the pitch with Ginny, trying not to think on the fact that Hermione had been ignoring his attempts to catch her eye over dinner. As he walked down to the quidditch pitch, he had the strange and yet familiar feeling that he was being watched by someone. The entire walk down consisted of the green-eyed wizard fervently looking around, expecting to see someone standing in the middle of the grounds staring at him shamelessly, but he saw no one.

"What's the matter with you?" Ginny asked him.

"Nothing. I just feel like someone's watching me" he admitted uncomfortably.

"And so what if they are? You're doing nothing wrong. It's probably just one of your many admirers" she teased. He laughed it off with her and thought to himself how ridiculous he must have sounded with his incessant paranoia. However, he soon forgot about it, along with everything else as he soared into the air five minutes later with Ginny just behind him. He circled the hoops and shot around the pitch several times before pulling down to the ground and retrieving the quidditch balls from the store shed. He took out the quaffle and threw it at Ginny, zooming off into the sky before turning around to catch the red ball that threatened to hit him in the face if the timing wasn't right. He caught it with ease, falling back slightly at the force behind it, smiling proudly at his team member. Harry took advantage of the fact that he had the faster broom and flew around Ginny in circles, trying to confuse her. He chucked it as high in the air as he could and she rose up slightly before catching it in one hand and throwing it past Harry, making him fly off after it.

Severus Snape sat at his office desk, finding himself staring at his Wiztop screen, wondering why his online friend had chosen not to talk to him tonight. It didn't bother him as such; it was more that it was just part of a routine that he took in his evenings that for some reason just wasn't happening tonight. He decided not to think on it too much but still bitterly closed down any other conversation windows that popped up from strangers wanting to talk to him. He realised that something about his talks with this man had changed him and it scared him slightly. Not only did he look forward to talking to him but he actually denied the idea of talking to anyone else on the Wiztop, almost as if his online-self was just for SnitchSeeker. He knew that it sounded pathetic and he most certainly wouldn't be admitting it to anyone but he needed these conversations with his friend and it angered him that someone had this kind of power over him.

Thinking on it, Severus realised that they often stayed up late talking and so maybe the man would talk to him later on and he was just busy with friends. That had to be it. Severus had to realise that other people had friends that they liked to spend time with and that just because no one liked him didn't mean that other people were lonely too. He only hoped that SnitchSeeker wasn't spending this absence with that ex-girlfriend of his; Severus wasn't entirely sure that he could stomach a conversation about her drooling over him and whatnot. Putting his idiotic jealousy aside, he took out some homework that he was going to mark tomorrow, thinking that he might as well do it tonight, as there was nothing better to do. He left his Wiztop on and open so that he would see if his friend came online.

Only half an hour into grading several 'D's and only two 'A's, as well as a well-deserved 'T', Severus heard running down the corridor, which irritated him so close to curfew. He got up from his desk and walked across the classroom towards the door, ready to blast it open and shout at whatever ridiculous specimen had decided to interrupt his thought process. Ironically, the student in question burst into the room before he had a chance and began shouting about a fight in the Slytherin Common Room, while holding his chest, clearly out of breath. Severus ignored the second year and simply left his office, walking briskly down the corridor, with the boy miles behind him, still puffing. Upon reaching the entrance, he barked the password at the portrait concealing the door to the Common Room and let it bang against the wall as he burst it open. Several students looked around at the noise that he had created but the rest were too engaged in the drama of the fight between about six fifth year students.

"QUIET!" he only half-shouted, knowing that the sound of his voice was terrifying enough to most without having to even sound truly angry. Everyone stopped in their tracks, as they looked around at their furious teacher, who glared at every single one of them. Some of the boys involved in the fight were part of a gang that were often the cause of trouble in the school, getting their points across with violence and not thinking about the consequences. Most of the time, it was with not particularly decent magic but judging by the cut on another boy's face, it had been entirely physical this time.

"Explain."

Back in the tower, Harry had just entered the Common Room with Ginny, feeling a lot better about everything until he glanced over at Ron and Hermione, remembering his earlier fight with the brunette and filling up with guilt once more. He caught her eye but she looked away very quickly and Harry inwardly wished his friends weren't so stubborn.

"Talk to her" Ginny said before leaving his side and pulling her brother away from Hermione, meaning that Harry could talk to her alone. Swallowing the lump in his throat along with his pride, he went to his friend and sat down directly in front of her so that she could not avert her eyes from him. She glanced at him and said nothing but the look alone was enough to tell Harry that she was ready to forgive him if he apologised.

"I'm sorry Hermione. I didn't mean to snap at you. It was really wrong of me and I know that you were just trying to help me."

"And?"

"And next time I'll think before I let my temper run my mouth."

"And?" she smiled slightly now.

"And I love you."

"Hmmm. Ok I guess I can forgive you. It's shame though because I do like to see you grovel" she laughed.

"Thanks 'Mione."

"No problem. Where have you been with Ginny?"

"We just went flying. I needed to blow off some steam and I asked her to come with me because I realised that I had been really shit to her."

"So you think you're going to be able to be friends again then?"

"Yeah I do. Well I hope so anyway."

"That's great Harry. You need to tell her that it's just friendship now though. Don't let her get her hopes up, especially if you're sure that you really don't feel anything."

"Yeah you're right. Don't worry I'll talk to her soon. I'm going to take my potion tonight so I'm just going to go online for a bit now and then go to sleep. Thanks for forgiving me."

"I wasn't really that mad to be honest. I just like watching you squirm" she joked.

When Harry got to bed, he logged on to WizChat, eager to talk to Bookworm after a long day.

**SnitchSeeker:- **Hey. How're you today? I've just been out for a fly in the night to chill out.

He waited for a response but nothing came. After a few minutes, he decided to try again.

**SnitchSeeker:- **Are you there? Let me know if you are.

After half an hour of disappointment, Harry sighed and took out his Dreamless Sleep Potion, ready to have a decent night's sleep.

**SnitchSeeker:- **I suppose you're busy so I'll just leave you to it. I'll talk to you another time. Good night.

Before he could close down the Wiztop, a message popped up and excitement rushed through him. To his dismay, it wasn't a message from Bookworm.

**PygmyPuff:- **Thanks for tonight. I had a great time. We'll have to do it again soon. Sleep well. Xxx

"Shit" he said sleepily.


	7. Tormented

Ready to touch your soul

**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters and many of the places mentioned in this story. The plot is the only thing created by me.**

I'm very sorry to everyone that has waited so long for this chapter. I have posted an apology note on my profile with the reason for anyone that wants to know. To anyone that doesn't want to read it, you'll just have to take my word for it that I have had a genuine reason. I'm sorry and please enjoy.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 7:- Tormented<strong>

Harry had awoken much earlier than anticipated the next morning, which was partially due to the sleeping draught allowing him to go to bed early and also the anxiety caused by the message that Ginny had sent him. He didn't quite know how he was going to tackle telling her that there was no chance of a relationship now and immediately became angry at himself. He hadn't meant to lead her on, he really hadn't but he never considered that she would make such assumptions. He had realised that he missed her friendship and had begun to make an effort with her again but she of course, had taken this completely the wrong way. Hermione was quite literally going to murder him.

After casting a quick tempus, Harry decided he had around half an hour to kill online before getting himself ready for the day; this was confirmed by the snoring of his dorm-mates. He got his Wiztop and started it up. The Wizchat screen automatically loaded, showing a very limited number of people online at that particular time of the morning. Minimising the window, he opened up Wizsearch, thinking he might find the latest quidditch scores. His thoughts were soon interrupted by the chat window re-opening with a pop-up message.

**Bookworm:- **Good morning.

Harry immediately smiled as he typed out his reply.

**SnitchSeeker:- **Hi stranger. How are you?

_Stranger? I never use that word. I must still be half-asleep._

**Bookworm:- **I am well thank you. I apologise for my absence last night but unfortunately I had to break up an altercation.

**SnitchSeeker:- **That's ok. I wasn't waiting up or anything. You're using language that's a bit too complicated for this time of the morning.

**Bookworm:- **I'm sorry if it is not appropriate but this is simply how I speak.

**SnitchSeeker:- **Sorry I didn't mean to sound rude. I was only making a joke. I don't mind how you speak. It makes you sound intelligent.

This was the point that Harry started to confuse himself. He was mixing his words up, becoming nervous and making the most ridiculous conversation. He didn't know what was going on; it had to be his sleepiness blurring his sense.

**Bookworm:- **You didn't sound rude at all. I had assumed that it was a joke. And I am glad that you believe me to be intelligent enough to converse with. Though, I do find myself questioning your intelligence at times.

**SnitchSeeker:- **Hey I'm not that dumb. I have my moments.

**Bookworm:- **I never insinuated that you were and you are not the only one capable of making jokes.

**SnitchSeeker:- **So it seems.

**Bookworm:- **In fact I would say that my wit far outweighs your own.

**SnitchSeeker:- **Is that right now? It seems that you're undermining all my qualities.

**Bookworm:- **I'm sure that you have plenty more to offer.

Severus scolded himself for that clichéd comment and despite the fact that SnitchSeeker had clearly begun the flirtatious talk, he, himself was far from squashing it. He had not ever intended to flirt with this man but now that the teasing had started, he knew it would progress as these kinds of conversations always did. Severus wasn't sure how he felt about that. It was true that he held slightly more emotion when talking to his online friend than he did with anyone else but he was not willing to put his heart on the line, especially considering he thought this man to be straight. He should also have been bothering about the age-gap but he found himself less concerned about that complication, as the man's maturity far surpassed many others that he knew.

Harry reread Bookworm's comment twice more, unsure of what to respond with and felt a warmness flush his cheeks ever so slightly with colour. He smiled goofily to himself at the compliment.

**SnitchSeeker:- **Thanks. So what was this fight you had to break up yesterday?

**Bookworm:- **The usual. Teenagers fighting over a girl. It gets fairly tiresome.

**SnitchSeeker:- **Oh nice. Do you make a habit of breaking up fights then?

**Bookworm:- **Only when it's absolutely necessary.

**SnitchSeeker:- **There's me thinking you were some kind of hero.

**Bookworm:- **I couldn't be further from a hero.

**SnitchSeeker:- **What makes you say that?

**Bookworm:- **I have made some very bad decisions in the past that have affected my entire life.

**SnitchSeeker:- **Everyone makes bad decisions sometimes so there's no need to dwell on it.

**Bookworm:- **It is difficult not to dwell on it. On that note, unfortunately, I have to get myself ready for work.

**SnitchSeeker:- **To be fair, I should probably get out of bed. I'll talk to you soon.

**Bookworm:- **Have a nice day.

Around an hour later, Harry found himself at breakfast with his friends, a lot more cheery than he normally would be at that hour. Ron and Hermione had of course noticed but considering it was a positive change, they both decided not to question their friend's good mood. Harry and Hermione exchanged pleasant conversation throughout the meal while Ron stuffed his face with sausages in an attempt to wake himself up.

"Come on Ron, hurry up. Hermione and I are going to be late for Potions!" Harry urged.

"Right, that's it. What the hell has gotten into you? You're wide awake, in a good mood and now you're worried about being late to potions?" Hermione demanded.

"Sorry I didn't realise that I'm normally so miserable that you actually have to comment when I'm in a good mood."

"I didn't mean that but you have never been worried about being late before."

"I don't really fancy detention for the rest of the year, especially as I need to try and convince Dumbledore to give me tuition."

"Ok Harry, I'm sorry."

"I'm just in a good mood because I took the potion last night so now I'm a bit more awake than usual."

"You've been flirting with that girl again online haven't you?" Ron laughed.

"No, I haven't actually."

"Well you were talking to someone this morning before any of us got up."

"Yeah it was Bookworm."

"Harry you're really starting to worry me now. You talk to him way too often and you don't even know anything about him!" Hermione complained.

"Actually I do know some things about him" Harry replied defensively.

"Ok, what's his name?"

"You know I don't know that. You told me not to talk about stuff like that so you can't use that against me."

"This guy could be 80 Harry and you spend all your time talking to him!"

"He's in his thirties Hermione, he's not exactly ancient."

Harry instantly regretted saying this and prepared himself for the lecture.

"You've discussed that with him? I told you to be careful and you just completely go against me?"

"He doesn't know anything Hermione. He just knows I'm under thirty and that's all. You seriously need to stop this. We fell out yesterday and I really don't want to do the same again today."

"Harry I'm just worried."

"Chill out 'Mione. It's not like he's looking to shag him or anything" Ron interrupted.

"I suppose you're right. I'm sorry Harry. I'll butt out but please be careful."

"I will Hermione. He's not like you think he is anyway. He's really good to talk to about stuff."

Much to Harry's glee, their conversation was finished once they overheard Lavender's nearby.

"I can't wait. I'm meeting him this weekend!"

"Lavender, he could be anyone. You need to be more careful."

"No, he's not some kind of pervert or anything. We're both up for it so it doesn't matter."

"Slut" muttered Hermione under her breath.

"Are you listening to my conversation?" spat Lavender.

"No" replied Harry and Ron automatically.

"Well I wouldn't say I was listening but maybe if you kept your private life private I wouldn't have to hear anything" Hermione responded.

"And you think you've got the right to judge me and call me a slut just because you're an ugly frigid little bitch that no one would ever want to sleep with?"

"What an intellectual argument. If you don't mind, I'm going to go to my lesson. I'm losing brain cells just listening to you."

Her two best friends followed her out of the Great Hall, ready to praise her for her wit but she shrugged them off, leaving them behind, as she ran off in the direction of Gryffindor Tower.

"I've got to get to Potions but please go after her."

"I don't get her, you know. She acts like she doesn't care what people think and then she gets all upset by what Lavender said."

"We don't need to get her Ron. We just need to be there for her."

Harry soon found himself sitting alone in Potions for the first time ever, nervous that he would never manage without Hermione. He looked up at the instructions on the board and tried to pay attention to what Snape was telling them about the potion that they would be brewing. Harry had never heard of half of the ingredients that they needed and hadn't had much success with the others either. Sighing, he began by squeezing his newt eyes into his cauldron, getting as much juice as possible into the cauldron. He was certain that he was even doing this first step wrong and Hermione would have done a much better job but he carried on as best as he could. He followed the instructions carefully, making sure to chop and not slice and to stir counter-clockwise and not clockwise.

Half-way through the lesson, Harry was actually proud of his progress. Admittedly, his potion was a lilac colour when it was supposed to be a medium purple but that was much better than he normally would have done.

"You haven't heated your cauldron enough Potter. Are the instructions too difficult to follow or are you simply incompetent?"

"I thought that it was hot enough sir" he replied through gritted teeth. He was not going to lose his temper today and earn himself another detention, particularly after what he had said in their last detention together.

"Clearly, you were wrong Potter. You may as well leave now considering your potion will be nowhere near powerful enough once you've finished."

"I would prefer to stay sir. It may not be perfect but it's not worth giving up."

Severus was pleasantly surprised at his student's determination and maturity. He had controlled his obvious annoyance at his teacher for perhaps the first time since the two had met and he had chosen to stay in the lesson after having permission to leave. Perhaps the potions were helping his sleep and therefore his mood. It seemed there was hope for Potter passing potions after all but of course, Severus would try his best to pretend that there wasn't. He couldn't start being nice to Potter after all this time, especially in the presence of the children of well-known Death Eaters.

"A fool's choice Potter but if you insist. I suppose that if you continue, you may receive a well-earned 'D', rather than a 'T'". The Slytherins in the room howled with laughter as Severus sneered at the Gryffindor and continued to look at the other students' potions.

Harry forced himself to remain quiet but couldn't help but feel disheartened by his teacher's comments. Was he really only going to get a 'D' for such a big effort? If only there was someone that could tutor him in Potions but he wasn't exactly going to ask his teacher and there was no one else to ask. Even if he could think of someone, Snape would never agree to let him use his classroom to get better at a subject that he was useless at, especially if it meant using his ingredients.

With slightly less determination, Harry managed to finish his potion, ignoring the comments of his professor and the laughter of the other students. His anti-flu potion was supposed to be a bright orange and looked more like a dark yellow but he was certain that it was a better attempt than some of the ones that he had seen others hand in. Feeling slightly pleased with himself, he was happy that Defence was his next class, as he hoped that his day would only get better with his best subject.

Harry hadn't had many encounters with Professor Azuri but he seemed like a decent teacher, much better than the majority of the ones that they had previously had. Harry noted that Hermione had come to the lesson and seemed to be perfectly fine but unwilling to discuss the reason that she had skipped Potions. Perhaps he would try to speak to her about it later, as well as get her advice on what to do about Ginny. His thoughts were soon interrupted when their teacher announced that they would spend their next few lessons practising the art of wordless magic, which Harry had never managed to master.

"The easiest way to test your ability in wordless magic is by choosing a spell that you are familiar with. We are going to start by trying to use expelliarmus against one another without speaking and see how we get on. Now, the key is focus. Your mind must be completely on the task at hand, not on what's for dinner. Allow me to demonstrate. Miss Granger, would you please join me at the front of the classroom with your wand at the ready?"

Hermione silently walked towards him, wand in hand and ignoring the giggles coming from Lavender and her group of friends.

"Now, I will attempt to disarm Miss Granger. I am going to concentrate fully on the wand, its whereabouts and the target location."

With no warning whatsoever the wand flew from Hermione's hand into the air and was immediately caught by Professor Azuri. The majority of the class looked impressed, along with Harry, who wondered how much practice something like that would take.

"Now, get yourself into groups and practise the spell on each other. Do not say or whisper the incantation. It is important that you learn wordless magic without cheating."

Hermione walked back to their table to start learning with her friends.

"That's the closest she's ever going to get to a man" muttered Lavender, leaving most of the class laughing at her.

"Can we leave the unnecessary comments and continue with the lesson?" demanded Professor Azuri sharply.

"You ok Hermione?" Harry asked, worried.

"I'm fine." Her eyes contradicted her statement but Harry knew better than to question her in front of everyone.

Harry and Ron let Hermione go first, trying to disarm them both in turn, all to no avail.

"Hermione, you need to concentrate. You're thinking about Lavender, not the wands."

"I am trying my best." She sounded upset and Harry didn't have the heart to embarrass her further.

"Ron, you have a go now" he told his friend. As per usual, Ron's success was very limited as he went red in the face attempting to disarm the other Gryffindors. Eventually he gave up and let Harry take his turn against the two. He concentrated on Ron's wand and imagined it leaving him and floating towards Harry. He said the incantation in his head but nothing happened. He repeatedly tried on the both of them but had no success.

"Don't be concerned class. I wasn't expecting any progress at all on this first lesson. You're all trying very hard" came the professor's voice.

Strangely, after hearing his professor say this, Harry's luck changed slightly. After glaring at Ron's wand for around thirty seconds, it twitched in his hand.

"That's it Potter! You're getting there! Look at this class!"

With the pressure mounting and everyone looking at him, Harry struggled to make it move any more than it already had.

"You can do it Harry" said Hermione kindly. He smiled at her and disarmed her wand soon after.

"Well done Potter! 20 points to Gryffindor!" Harry grinned at the professor and went to give Hermione her wand back.

"I wouldn't want to touch that anyway Harry, we all know what she needs to use it for" tormented Lavender. Seeing the hurt look on his friend's face, Harry had just about lost it.

"Bit rich coming from you isn't it? We could all catch an STD from your wand."

The class roared with laughter and Lavender blushed a furious purple and retorted with a slap to Harry's cheek.

"Miss Brown, detention tonight. Mr Potter, see me after class."

Angry at himself and the situation, Harry hung behind after the lesson to receive his scolding from the new professor. Ron and Hermione gave him an apologetic look as they left the classroom for lunch. When everyone had left, Harry prepared himself for the worst.

"Mr Potter, I understand you feeling defensive towards your friends but what you said was out of turn."

"I'm sorry sir but it's not the first time that she's made that kind of comment and I've had enough."

"If you are concerned that another student is tormenting your friend then you should speak with a teacher about it and not resort to the same treatment of that person."

Harry felt slightly ashamed of how he must have appeared to this new professor but did not regret what he had said to Lavender in the slightest.

"I'm sorry sir. In future, I will make sure not to lower myself to her level but I hope that you'll be saying something to her about this in detention because they way she's treating Hermione isn't right."

"Leave it with me Mr Potter and please don't assume that I don't know how to do my job correctly. You may leave."

When Harry entered the Great Hall, his head lowered slightly, Hermione came racing up to him, smiling and threw an arm around his neck.

"Thanks for sticking up for me Harry. I'm sorry I got you in trouble."

"It's no big deal Hermione. She's well out of order."

The two sat down and began helping themselves to the food on the table, talking quietly about Harry's potions class and how he felt that he'd done better.

"That's great Harry. I'm glad you were able to concentrate better."

"I suppose you cheated at that as well didn't you Potter?"

Harry turned around to see who was talking and was annoying to see that it was Timothy McLaggen.

"Keep walking McLaggen, wouldn't want people thinking that you're jealous." The boy scoffed and sat with his friends, staring at the trio.

"What's up with him? He makes comments to you every time he sees you" Ron asked.

"Still annoyed about not getting onto the team I guess."

"Well it was pretty humiliating to be fair."

Transfiguration went pretty fast with the friends' spirits slightly higher than before and before Harry knew it, the school day had come to an end. In Gryffindor Tower, Ron was worn out from his two-lesson day and decided to take a nap in the boy's dormitory, leaving Harry and Hermione to talk.

"Are you ok?" he asked her.

"Actually, I'm ok. I wasn't earlier but I am now."

"It's not like you to miss a class. I was really worried about you."

"Did Snape say anything?"

"No of course not. That would look like he actually cared" he laughed.

"I suppose I should apologise to him though and offer to catch up on the potion some other time."

"Honestly Hermione, you brew every potion perfectly so I doubt missing one class will make a difference."

"I'm not that great" she said blushing.

"You're too modest. Can I ask your advice on something without you getting too mad?"

"What is it?"

"Promise that you won't say you told me so?"

"It's Ginny isn't it?" she said knowingly.

"What makes you say that?"

"She's been giving you the eye all day. You haven't even noticed."

"Oh. Well yeah. Last night she sent me a message saying we should do it again sometime with some kisses."

"You need to talk to her Harry. You need to do it now. It's not fair on her and you can't exactly be friends until she knows the truth. Please go over now."

Harry agreed and reluctantly got up and walked to the other side of the Common Room, asking Ginny for a word in private; she more than happily agreed, which made him feel worse.

"What's up Harry?" she asked.

"Well we need to talk about something and it's not going to be easy but it really needs to be said now."

"Ok. Go ahead."

"I don't know how to word this. I'm really happy that we've managed to be friends again and I just don't want to ruin that again."

"Harry, I know what you're going to say and no matter what we do, it's not going to ruin our friendship again. It will be ok."

"Are you sure?" he asked, relieved.

"Of course I'm sure. If it doesn't work out this time, we can leave it and be friends, I promise. I'm just happy that we're trying again."

"Wait, what? Ginny that's not what I meant."

"Then what did you mean?" she asked, confused.

"This is so difficult. I think I might have given you the wrong impression. I only wanted to spend time with you yesterday as friends and I think that you've taken that the wrong way. I'm so sorry."

"So what you're basically trying to tell me is that you've strung me along and now I am the one that's got the wrong impression?" she began to get angry.

"I didn't mean to string you along. I didn't think that you would take it that way. I thought we both wanted to be friends again and that's all it was. I'm sorry."

Harry felt awkward, realising how much he actually was to blame and he knew that nothing he said would take away the pain that he was causing.

"Seriously Harry, I might have got the wrong impression but only because you gave me it. You need to be more honest with people. This whole situation could have been avoided if you had just spoken to me earlier."

"Yeah you're right. I can't say sorry anymore though Gin. What more can I do?"

"Not a lot really. So are you trying to tell me that this still can't happen because of him or that it's never going to happen?"

"Well" Harry sighed, "I guess, if I am being truthful, I don't think this can ever happen. I don't feel the same anymore. I'm sorry to have to hurt you like this but I have to be honest like you said."

"Right. Is there someone else?"

"No. I don't have time for that right now. You know that. I just think my feelings and priorities have changed."

"Thanks for being honest. You're a complete dick but thanks anyway."

"Is there any chance that we can still be friends?"

"Yeah I guess. Not now though. I can't do that. I have more self-respect than that. Give me time and I'm sure we can work something out."

"Thanks. I'll stay out of your way until you're ready."

She walked off, leaving him alone, ashamed and embarrassed. He sulked back over to Hermione, who had just been joined by a very sleepy looking Ron.

"How did it go?" she asked him.

"I'm not sure. Bad but good at the same time."

"What's this?" Ron asked.

"He told Ginny that he just wants to be friends."

"Oh."

"What did she say Harry?"

"She was angry obviously but she says that we can be friends again if I give her some time."

"Where is she now?"

"In the dorm."

Ron glanced at the staircase leading to his sister's dorm and then at Harry, before lowering his head and going silent. Shame filling him up, Harry made his way up to his own room, shutting the curtains on his four-poster and sighing as he started up his Wiztop.

**CharmsWitch:- **Hi, how are you?

**SnitchSeeker:- **Not so good. You?

**CharmsWitch:- **What's up?

**SnitchSeeker:- **I told my ex that I'm not interested anymore so I've lost her as a friend and more than likely her brother too.

**CharmsWitch:- **What's the brother got to do with it?

**SnitchSeeker:- **He's my best friend. Well he was anyway.

**CharmsWitch:- **He'll get over it if he's your best friend and so will she when she's stopped hurting.

**SnitchSeeker:- **Why don't I feel the same about her anymore? I just don't get it. I feel inhuman.

**CharmsWitch:- **You're not inhuman just because you've stopped having feelings for someone. This happens to people all the time. You need to calm down and realise that you'll only be ready for a relationship when the time is right.

**SnitchSeeker:- **I wish I knew you properly. All my friends here are friends with her too and it's so difficult to talk to them about this.

**CharmsWitch:- **Well I might not be there but you can still talk to me about it.

**SnitchSeeker:- **Thanks. So what should I do?

**CharmsWitch:- **Give her time to get over it and wait for her to approach you. That's all you can do. And if you get with someone else, don't rub it in her face.

**SnitchSeeker:- **I won't be with anyone else any time soon.

Throughout the hours of talking, Harry eventually began to feel better about the whole situation and realised that time was the biggest and only healer for this.


	8. Food for Thought

Ready to touch your soul

**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters and many of the places mentioned in this story. The plot is the only thing created by me.**

**Chapter 8:- Food for Thought**

Although Harry had felt much better since his talk with CharmsWitch, it didn't change much, considering the way things were in the real world. He knew that he wasn't able to talk to Ginny and despite his hope that she would eventually get over it, he felt no better about the fact that he was currently without a friend. His main issue was the domino effect that was likely to progress and cause him yet more problems, starting of course with her brother, Harry's best friend. Nothing had been said between them yet and that made it all the more awkward; neither had attempted a conversation, as they didn't want to argue but it was of course inevitably going to happen.

The school day was going by miserably slowly and while Harry still had Hermione to talk to, he couldn't help but wish he hadn't complicated things so much.

"Harry, say something to me please. I know you're upset about Ginny but you shouldn't be sulking about it."

"I'm not sulking. I feel guilty and it's not exactly making me cheerful or sociable. It would be easier if I still had Ron to talk to but I don't."

"How do you even know that? You haven't tried talking to him. He's not just going to ignore you."

"He might or he could shout at me or hit me or…"

"Stop it Harry. You're being ridiculous. He might be a bit disappointed or upset but he's not going to hit you! Talk to him before Quidditch practice tonight or it's going to get very awkward with you not talking to two of your team members. You can talk to him later. He'll be fine."

"He's avoiding me Hermione!"

"No, you're avoiding him!"

The same discussion continued for the rest of the day, with each friend certain that they were the one that was right. Harry supposed that he would soon find out, though he was sure that he didn't really want to know. With a few hours to go before Quidditch practice, Harry began to feel increasingly worried about how it would go if he and Ron weren't even speaking.

"Right, I'm off to the Head Boy and Head Girl meeting so you two are going to have to sort yourselves out. I know you're both stubborn but you haven't even argued and you're still not speaking to each other!"

"I know. It is his little sister though, Hermione. He must be really angry and I don't blame him."

"Talk to him" she said simply, before saying goodbye and heading out of the Common Room door.

"Not exactly the same when she's argued with him is it?" he moaned at himself as the door shut.

In the meeting, Hermione found herself doing most of the talking, much to Draco's horror and Professor Dumbledore's amusement. She had never really cared about what anyone thought about her and her ideas; she was far too opinionated.

"I understand that the Wiztops are very popular among the sixth and seventh years. I have been informed that some students are using them unwisely. Have you both thought about how this could be avoided?" Dumbledore asked them both.

"Well I've tried talking to people about the dangers. Being muggle-born, I am much more used to online chatrooms and what can happen as a result of using them but most people are too interested in the new idea of them to be concerned" Hermione replied, almost defeated with that one.

"Perhaps we could tell them in a way that they won't feel like they're being lectured?" offered Draco.

"A good idea, my boy. How do you suggest that we do that?"

"Magical posters or something? Nothing too scary but enough to warn them of the dangers."

Hermione was impressed, she had to admit it: in her head, not aloud. It surprised her that Draco would be interested in the safety of students. She knew he was Head Boy for a reason but didn't think for a second that he would be overly concerned about some of his duties.

"An excellent approach!" Dumbledore praised, "Perhaps the two of you could work on it after this? I'll look at it tomorrow and we can get it up straight away. No need to drag it out if it's necessary."

"I'm sure we'll be able to spare some time after the meeting to get it sorted" Hermione agreed and turned to Draco as he nodded.

"Excellent! Onto the last item on the list then and I'll leave you to it! House rivalry! How can we help make this issue less prominent?"

"I think we have to accept that in some ways, house rivalry will always be there" Draco began.

"Well that's not very positive, is it? We need to work out how to make it less of an issue" Hermione interrupted.

"If you'd just let me finish, Granger. I don't think that house rivalry is a bad thing. What would be the point in the houses if we didn't expect it to happen? It's healthy competition. Do you think any of the first years would work as hard if they weren't getting house points for it? Also, the houses separate us into people that think alike in some way or another so it's easier for the first years to make friends that way."

"I understand what you're saying but can you say that Slytherins and Gryffindors cursing each other in the corridors is healthy competition?"

"No but that's just an example of some people that don't get on. Don't you think it's more about the people than the houses? Slytherins and Gryffindors are more opposite in personality than the other houses. Neither of our houses have that same rivalry with Ravenclaw for example because they think similarly to both of us."

"I think Mr Malfoy has a point. Individual attacks should not be associated with that person's house."

Hermione was baffled by what was happening; she couldn't understand how what Malfoy was saying made sense but it did. The rivalry between Slytherin and Gryffindor could be down to the way that the two opposing houses thought. Of course that would create friction but she couldn't believe that Malfoy's brain thought past the stereotypes and genuinely thought about what was causing the issue.

"But then how does that help us with house rivalry? Knowing what causes it, doesn't stop it."

"Well the school doesn't help itself in that aspect. The main event is Quidditch, which is house vs house and is very competitive. We need to organise some events that all houses would be interested in so that they can see that cross-house friendships are possible. Maybe competitions but the groups have to have people from all four houses."

"That's a brilliant idea Mr Malfoy!" Dumbledore praised, "Why don't you think up some ideas and come back to me? I must be off now but I expect to see your posters tomorrow morning!" He left the two of them feeling slightly awkward, as they came together to make the WizChat warning posters.

"Well we need to somehow address the main issue of not knowing who we're talking to but we can't make it too scary" Hermione tried.

"How about a girl on a Wiztop chatting and then on the other side, an old fat guy talking back to her. It's more funny than scary and it gets the point across."

"That's a good idea. How many are we going to make?"

"Eight. One for each floor and then one in the Great Hall."

"Ok so that's one idea. Another could be a chatscreen with people discussing their ages and things and next to it could be LIE in big letters?"

"We'd have to make it look good though. Let's get started."

The Gryffindor and Slytherin combined to make the eight posters together, each in some way different from the last to convince their fellow students to be more wary when talking in chatrooms. Hermione came out of the meeting, pretty pleased with herself and also shocked that her and Malfoy could work so well together given the opportunity. Perhaps he was right and they could help the houses unite through the means of friendly competition.

Meanwhile, Harry was slowly and reluctantly making his way to Quidditch practice slightly early to avoid having to speak to any of the team on the way down. He got himself changed straight away and flew out onto the pitch, letting the cold air hit him in the face. The sensation of just taking off was one that he was sure could never be replaced. Nothing could feel as good as forcing his broom into the air and letting his instinct guide him into the sky. Once he had flown so high that the castle was no longer visible, he quickly forced himself forward, driving himself and his broom back down to the ground at high speed. In mere seconds, he found himself pulling his broomstick sharply upwards inches above the ground and slowing down before eventually dismounting to greet the rest of the team that had now arrived.

Harry spent around ten minutes describing new tactics that he had come up with to the rest of the team, who eagerly took in all the information. He looked at Ron and Ginny no differently than the rest of the team but felt slightly awkward when he addressed them directly. Ron showed no signs of feeling in any way the same that Harry did and so this made it easier for them to discuss how Ron would be performing in the practice. Things were slightly more difficult with Ginny, who only nodded when necessary and spoke as few words as humanly possible without seeming rude. If the rest of the team noticed the tension between Harry and the Weasleys then they didn't make it clear and so Harry led the team into the air as they practised for the next hour.

The captain pulled himself out of the practice to observe the others and comment on how best to improve. They all worked surprisingly well together, considering it had been a while since they had all played together properly. Once their time was up, Harry was more than satisfied with the team's progress and praised them all before making his way into the changing rooms with the males in the team.

After a successful Quidditch practice, Harry would have normally walked back to the seventh floor with his teammates, laughing, talking about tactics and discussing how easily they could win the Quidditch cup. However, he didn't much feel like joining in with the social aspect of it today; not speaking to Ron made everything all the more difficult. He told his housemates that he would catch them up but instead loitered in the changing rooms alone, thinking on how to deal with the problem that he had caused with Ginny and now Ron. Although they'd both worked alongside him in the team, he knew that it meant nothing to how they felt about him personally. Harry sat down on the bench, pulled off his shirt, still sweaty from practice and put his head in his hands, cursing himself for his stupidity.

A shuffle from somewhere round the corner told him that someone was either still there or had just returned. He looked up instinctively but couldn't see round the corner enough to be able to tell who it was.

"Hello?" he called out but there was no response. Maybe it was Ron, having forgotten something like he normally did but of course, he wouldn't answer to Harry at that moment.

"Ron?" he tried but again, no one answered back. He stood from his position and moved over to where he heard the noise.

"For crying out loud, just answer me! Grow up will you?!" he shouted as he approached. When he found the source of the noise however, it wasn't anyone that he would have considered. Confusion apparent on his face, he spoke directly to the boy.

"McLaggen? Why are you in here?" he quizzed.

"No reason. Just watched the practice" he answered casually. His eyes bore through Harry almost as if they were trying to see straight through him, in a stare that was almost comparable with that of Severus Snape.

"What and now you're watching me? Get out of here!" Timothy was sitting on the bench and Harry towered over him as he stood shouting at him. The younger boy showed no emotion or concern about the way that he had just been spoken to. Instead he slowly moved his line of vision from the bottom of Harry's feet, up to his legs, his naked torso and chest before finally settling on his face.

"You think I'm in here to spy on you? For starters Potter, I can't see you round that corner. Secondly, if I were trying to spy on you, I would more than likely be in a hiding place, rather than just casually sitting on a bench and lastly, you would never have caught me."

Timothy's last statement made Harry feel somewhat uncomfortable, as he wasn't entirely sure why he would make such a comment. Was he trying to suggest that he spied on people often? Or was he just trying to freak him out? Harry assumed it was the latter and called his bluff.

"Okay so let's say you're not in here to spy on me then. Why are you here? Quidditch practice is finished so why didn't you watch and then go straight back up to the castle with the others or even before they'd got changed? Why are you still here, loitering?" Harry paused his rant as he watched McLaggen stand up to face him, his taller frame giving him the advantage on intimidation but Harry wasn't one to be scared easily and continued. "Are you just here to cry and moan about how you didn't make it on the team? Here to insult me a little more to make yourself feel better?"

"No, I'm not…"

"Then what the hell are you here for McLaggen?"

At this point, the younger boy averted his gaze and looked almost nervous and certainly didn't know how to respond.

"You know, I can definitely see the family resemblance. You're just like your brother" Harry told him in annoyance.

"Don't compare me to my brother!" he responded angrily, eyes suddenly sharpening and nervousness morphing into anger.

"Why not? You're both the same. You think your arrogance and your insults can get you places but they can't."

"I'm not like that."

"Then WHY have you been following me around everywhere just to make digs at me? Just because you failed the try-outs?"

"No it's not that." The nervous look had reappeared on his face as quickly as it had previously disappeared and the boy began to bite his lip. Harry looked at him and calmed down, realising that he had been shouting in the face of someone younger than him and immediately felt ashamed of himself.

"Look, I'm sorry for getting mad. I just don't understand what's going on. You're saying that you're not trying to get at me for not letting you on the team but I don't know what else I possibly could have done. I hadn't even met you before the try-outs and haven't done anything to you since so I don't know what I'm supposed to have done that deserves this" he reasoned.

"I'm sorry." It came out almost as a whisper and Harry half-expected the boy to start crying. He raised an arm and rested it on the boy's shoulder, trying to get him to look at him.

"What's wrong?" Timothy looked back at Harry and saw that he was no longer angry; he almost looked as if he cared. He knew that he should've thought about what he did next but he very rarely did a lot of thinking. He leant in slightly and kissed the Quidditch captain lightly on the lips. The pure shock alone meant that Harry didn't respond and froze to the spot, his hand still on Timothy's shoulder. The youngest McLaggen took it to mean something more and leant back into Harry, pulling him inwards and kissing him with more passion. Their lips locked and Timothy's arms wrapped around the older man, pushing their bodies together.

The sensation was different from anything that Harry had ever experienced. It was definitely different from kissing Ginny or Cho; it felt somewhat better. Confusion taking over him, he kissed back tentatively, allowing McLaggen to set the pace as he was almost swept off his feet. With closed eyes, Harry responded to each movement, forgetting himself before realising who it was he was being kissed by. As soon as Timothy's tongue touched his lip, Harry pushed him back.

"What…" Harry started to ask but his question was finished by someone that he hadn't realised was standing behind him.

"…the fuck do you think you're doing?!" came an angry voice.

"RON!" he exclaimed as he saw the angry and confused look on his dorm mate's face. Harry looked back at Timothy, who looked positively terrified. He wasn't sure whether it was because of what he'd just done or because he'd been caught but before anyone could ask, he ran as fast as his long legs could take him and disappeared into the dark. Once he was out of sight, Ron turned his attention back to Harry, eyeing him suspiciously.

"Is THIS why you didn't come up to the castle with all of us lot?" he demanded.

"No. Definitely not" Harry responded, still shocked.

"So what the fuck was that?"

"I don't know" he answered truthfully.

"You don't know? Are you kidding me? I've just walked in to see a guy trying to kiss you while you're half-naked and you expect me to accept that you don't know?"

Shaking, Harry sat back down on the bench and dug his nails in his cheeks, wondering what was going on and why once again, it had to have happened to him.

"Ron, what can I do? Do you think he likes me? I don't know what to do."

"Well considering he tried to kiss you, yes I would say he likes you. What do you mean what can you do? You're not telling me you wanted that are you?"

"No of course I didn't. That's not what I meant. What did you see? How did it look from your side?"

"I walked in as you pushed him off. Wasn't that all there was to see?"

"I'll tell you everything later."

"In the Common Room in front of everyone? Let's just talk about it now" Ron reasoned, sitting himself next to his friend.

"I guess you're right."

"Can you do me one favour first though, could you get changed? I don't really want to have this discussion when you're topless." Harry gave a weak smile and obliged.

"Okay. What happened? Start from why you didn't come back with all of us."

"Well this is a bit awkward."

"Harry, we tell each other everything. We're best friends."

"I know. Basically, I knew that you were mad at me so I didn't want to walk up with you and I know that's stupid and sounds immature but I just didn't want to argue."

"Why did you think I was mad at you?" Ron asked, seemingly bewildered.

"Ron, we haven't spoken all day and we both know why."

"You think I'm mad at you because of Ginny?"

"Well, you are, aren't you?"

"I'm not happy about it but you're my friend. I'm not going to fall out with you over it. Anyway, I can see what happened. I shouldn't say this, as she's my sister but you didn't lead her on at all, mate. You were trying to be her friend again. We can all see that and she will too eventually. I'm not mad at you because you didn't do anything wrong but from a brother's perspective, I hate seeing my little sister upset. I haven't tried talking to you today because I don't want to let that side out and have us fall out over it. Believe it or not, I have grown up a lot in the past couple of years. I might be a prick at times but I'm trying not to be."

"I feel weird without angry Ron" Harry laughed.

"Shut up and finish your story, dickhead." He punched Harry in the arm playfully.

"Okay well I was sulking because I thought you were mad at me and I was part-way through changing but I was taking my time because I didn't want to face you. I heard a noise and when I went to investigate, it was McLaggen and he was just sitting there. Story cut short, we argued about him spying on me, following me and being a general dick. I asked if it was just because he hadn't got on the team and he denied it saying that it wasn't the reason. I was shouting at him but then I realised I was being out of order and he looked upset so I calmed down. I asked him what was wrong and put my arm on his shoulder. He must have taken it the wrong way and he kissed me."

"And then you pushed him off" Ron finished.

Harry froze for a moment, wondering whether to tell the truth or let Ron believe he knew what had happened. He was sure to get irate over this.

"Actually…"

"There's an actually? Oh great." Ron sat back against the wall, sighing.

"Mind if I test out this new-found maturity of yours?"

"Try me" he smirked.

"When he kissed me, I didn't do anything because I was shocked so I guess he thought I liked it and so he kissed me again. Properly. Before my brain caught up with what was happening, it felt nice so I kind of, kissed him a little bit" Harry paused there, looking at Ron for any signs of anger but his friend seemed to be waiting for the rest of the story. "But then when I realised who it was that was kissing me, I pushed him off and that's obviously when you reappeared."

The two friends sat in silence for a moment, both trying to take in the events of the night and make some sort of sense out of them.

"What does that mean? You stopped because it was him or because it was a boy?"

"I'm not sure" he answered honestly, looking at the floor.

"Are you gay?" he asked bluntly.

"I've never thought about it until now but I'm not sure."

"Right."

"Please don't hate me."

"Why the fuck would I hate you? I told you earlier, you're my friend no matter what you do."

"Right, seriously now, who the fuck are you and what have you done with my best friend?"

"Shut up, you faggot!"

"That's more like it!" Harry laughed, "But don't let Hermione hear you say that! It's against the rules to use that sort of homophobic language, remember?"

Laughing, they both made their way back up to the Gryffindor Common Room, each glad to have their best friend back.

"Thank God you two are talking again" Hermione sighed with relief. "You're worse than a pair of girls."

"We're idiots but it doesn't take us long to realise it."

"Why did you take so long to get back up here? The rest of the team have been here ages." Harry shot Ron a panicked look.

"I forgot my gloves and had to go back for them and then we talked about everything and made up."

"It took you that long to make up? Boys" she muttered before turning back to her Ancient Runes work. Harry smiled at Ron in silent appreciation.

Light conversation ensued but Harry was more than slightly distracted and was grateful for Ron making the excuses to Hermione that he was just tired after the Quidditch practice. He looked around but as he had expected, McLaggen was nowhere to be seen in the Common Room. He would have to find him tomorrow and apologise for what had happened; he didn't want it to happen again but he definitely didn't want to leave him feeling upset, as he no doubt now was.

Making his excuses, Harry went to his room, undressed, closed the curtains, got into bed and cast 'muffliato'. He opened up his Wiztop, not sure whether he even wanted to talk but allowing himself the opportunity. He saw that both CharmsWitch and Bookworm were online and he hovered over the two names, choosing who to speak to. Did he want a man's advice, hoping that he would know what to say? Or would Bookworm freak out at the prospect of his online friend possibly being attracted to men? He supposed CharmsWitch would be the safer option but he wasn't sure whether her advice would be the same. Making his decision, he clicked the chat icon.

**SnitchSeeker:- **I need some advice.

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><p>So sorry to keep everyone waiting for this chapter. I have been really busy but hopefully things will work will settle down more and I will have the chance to write more often. Please review to keep me motivated! And follow me on twitter andor like me on facebook under xXxElectraxXx because then you can bug me to write!

I'm genuinely amazed by how many people are interested in this story. When it got the highest amount of votes on my poll for which story to write, I didn't think it would be this popular so thanks to everyone for all the support and reviews!

Many thanks to my beta reader Limelight12, who tries her best not to judge me for making such ridiculous mistakes.


	9. Overthinking

Ready to touch your soul

**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters and many of the places mentioned in this story. The plot is the only thing created by me.**

I think I'm doing surprisingly well at updating recently! Hope everyone is enjoying the story. I will be on holiday for a while and might not get the chance to update but I will try to do some writing while I'm away so I can upload when I get back. Thanks for everyone's reviews and support. :)

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><p><strong>Chapter 9:- Overthinking<strong>

**CharmsWitch:- **Of course. What's wrong?

**SnitchSeeker:- **It's a bit of a strange subject. Are you sure you don't mind?

**CharmsWitch:- **I can deal with strange.

**SnitchSeeker:- **I don't know how to start.

**CharmsWitch:- **Start with how you feel and then tell me why.

**SnitchSeeker:- **I feel really confused. Something happened today and I don't know what to think about it.

**CharmsWitch:- **Okay. So what happened?

**SnitchSeeker:- **Someone kissed me that I didn't think liked me and I wasn't expecting it.

**CharmsWitch:- **Right, so do you like them?

**SnitchSeeker:- **No it's not that.

**CharmsWitch:- **So you're confused about why they kissed you?

**SnitchSeeker:- **I guess I know why they kissed me. I suppose that much is obvious.

**CharmsWitch:- **Then what's the confusing part?

**SnitchSeeker:- **He's a boy.

**CharmsWitch:- **Oh I see. Does it bother you that a boy has feelings for you then?

**SnitchSeeker:- **No not really. It's more that I didn't react how I thought I would.

**CharmsWitch:- **I understand. Tell me what happened.

**SnitchSeeker:- **He was in the changing rooms, while I was getting changed after Quidditch. I didn't know he was there. When I realised, I confronted him and we argued. He's been singling me out and being a prick to me for a while so I questioned him. Eventually when the argument got more heated, he kissed me. It felt different but for some reason, I responded and kissed him back. I only did it for a while before I came to my senses and pushed him off but I don't understand why I didn't do that straight away.

**CharmsWitch:- **How did it feel when he kissed you?

**SnitchSeeker:- **I don't know how to say this without it sounding strange but I kind of liked it. It was different from other kisses I've had. In my first kiss with a girl, she cried because of her old boyfriend. Other kisses with girls have been soft but he kissed me with a bit of force. This is messed up.

**CharmsWitch:- **No it's not messed up. It could just be that you liked the way he kissed you, rather than the fact that it was a boy kissing you.

**SnitchSeeker:- **How do I know whether it was the kiss or the boy?

**CharmsWitch:- **You need time to think. If this happened today then you won't have answers for a while. It doesn't just take a short while to work these things out. Give yourself some credit. I'm not a boy so I can't give a real opinion on this but I don't know any boys that would enjoy a kiss from another boy, apart from my gay friends. I'm not saying you're gay but I'm just saying don't rule it out and don't see it as a bad thing if you are. You told me you feel nothing for your ex and maybe this is why.

**SnitchSeeker:- **I have a complicated enough life without having to deal with sexuality issues.

**CharmsWitch:- **Well it may be something you have to deal with but maybe not. I'm here to chat if you need to talk through it at any point though.

**SnitchSeeker:- **Thanks. I guess I've got some thinking to do.

**CharmsWitch:- **Does anyone know?

**SnitchSeeker:- **My best mate and he was surprisingly okay with it. I thought he'd flip.

**CharmsWitch:- **Is this the guy that is your ex's brother?

**SnitchSeeker:- **Yeah it is. He was great about it.

**CharmsWitch:- **Maybe ask him a guy's opinion. Does he think that he could kiss a guy etc.? If not, then I think you need to do some thinking.

**SnitchSeeker:- **He wouldn't kiss a guy. I know he wouldn't.

**CharmsWitch:- **Then maybe try speaking to someone else. I'm sorry but I have to go now. I'll talk to you about this another time though.

**SnitchSeeker:- **Thanks for your help. Bye.

**CharmsWitch:- **Speak soon.

Harry closed the chat window and noticed that he had a message. He hadn't even noticed it due to being so wrapped up in his conversation and his confusion. He opened up the notification.

**Bookworm:- **Hello. How are you?

**SnitchSeeker:- **Somewhere between bad and alright I suppose.

**Bookworm:- **What do you mean by that?

**SnitchSeeker:- **I don't know if I should say. Some complicated things are going on and I don't want to talk to too many people about it.

**Bookworm:- **Normally you would discuss these kinds of things with me. What makes you feel like you can't?

Bookworm made a good point, Harry supposed. He did ordinarily talk about his issues with him and he often gave good advice. CharmsWitch had told him to talk to a guy about it as well so it did make sense. Plus, Bookworm was older so he would probably have more experience in these things. He must know some gay people or even have known someone to be in his situation. He didn't know him in person and so would it really matter if he was bothered by what Harry said and chose not to speak to him again? It would matter because he wanted him as a friend and he didn't want to say anything to prevent this from happening. Saying that, being older, mature and intelligent, Bookworm should just accept the situation.

**SnitchSeeker:- **I'm concerned about what you may think of me if I tell you.

**Bookworm:- **We've had discussions like this before. You know that I have done many things I'm not proud of and you know that I wouldn't judge you on anything you may have done.

**SnitchSeeker:- **It's not exactly something that I've done and it's not that it's bad. It's just something that certain people would feel uncomfortable about discussing.

**Bookworm:- **Try me.

**SnitchSeeker:- **Someone I don't have feelings for kissed me today and I enjoyed it more than I would have expected. I pushed them off eventually but not before returning the kiss.

Severus stared at the screen in annoyance. He wasn't sure why but it annoyed him that SnitchSeeker would accept a kiss from someone he didn't have feelings for.

**Bookworm:- **Is this your ex-girlfriend?

**SnitchSeeker:- **No. Definitely not. It's someone I've never had feelings for and I had no idea that they even had feelings for me.

**Bookworm:- **I can understand the confusion but I suppose it doesn't really matter why you returned the kiss. If you know that you don't have feelings for this person then that's all that matters, isn't it? You should speak to her and clear things up though. Just make sure that she knows you don't feel anything.

**SnitchSeeker:- **You're right but it's a little bit more complicated than that. I will speak to them and tell them I shouldn't have responded like that but the thing is that it's a he and not a she.

The older man looked at the response on the Wiztop in shock. He was certain that SnitchSeeker was a lady's man. He had his ex running around after him and he was that typical nice guy that played Quidditch. He didn't even consider that he might be gay. His contemplation meant that he didn't respond to the message and it took him a while to realise that he had another message.

**SnitchSeeker:- **I told you that you would feel uncomfortable. I'm sorry for talking about it.

**Bookworm:- **I apologise. I was busy but I will give you my full attention now. I do not feel uncomfortable in the slightest. Please tell me what happened.

Harry typed out everything that had happened that evening, in more detail than he had given to CharmsWitch and even included what happened with Ron afterwards. He included more background information about what had been going on between him and Ginny and how awkward it was at the moment.

**Bookworm:- **Although it sounds like a very complicated situation, it's good that you've told your ex that this can't go on, especially if you know that you don't have feelings for her and also, it seems that you have a very loyal friend. A lot of younger people react stupidly to the idea of their friends being homosexual so you're very lucky that he hasn't done that. In regards to your incident with this male, you need to make sure he's aware that there are no feelings involved. Apologise for what happened and make sure he's aware that you won't be holding it against him.

**SnitchSeeker:- **I will talk to him about it, I promise, but what does this mean? Why would I respond to his kiss? Do you know anyone that has been in a situation like this?

**Bookworm:- **I'm afraid I've been told that I can be quite blunt so I apologise for how I may word this; I know that it is a sensitive topic. I have only known men to be in a situation such as that if they are confused about their sexuality. Any heterosexual man would most definitely react sooner in rejecting someone than you did.

**SnitchSeeker:- **I think blunt is what I need, to be honest. Are you trying to say that you think I'm gay?

**Bookworm:- **That isn't for me to tell you. Only you can work that out yourself. I can help you work it out but I can't tell you whether you are or aren't.

**SnitchSeeker:- **Have you ever kissed another man before?

**Bookworm:- **Yes I have.

**SnitchSeeker:-** What happened there?

**Bookworm:- **I don't think that what happened with me would help you.

**SnitchSeeker:- **Why not? Please tell me. I need all the help I can get with this.

**Bookworm:- **It isn't at all that I don't want to help you but my situation is different and will not make you feel much better.

**SnitchSeeker:- **Why is it so different?

**Bookworm:- **Because I know that I am gay.

Harry blinked and reread the message but it still said the same thing. He was relieved that Bookworm was gay, knowing that he would have someone to talk to. Having a gay friend would definitely help him understand his own sexuality better.

**SnitchSeeker:- **Well then surely you can try and help me understand my feelings?

**Bookworm:- **I will certainly try.

**SnitchSeeker:- **So how do I know if I am interested in men?

**Bookworm:- **Do you find that you get aroused thinking about men rather than women?

**SnitchSeeker:- **I haven't had much time to think about things like that. I have a lot going on in my life so sex isn't a priority. I have more nightmares than sex dreams. When I've been turned on before, it's been more about the actual idea of sex than a particular person. Sorry, you probably don't want to hear all this.

**Bookworm:- **I wouldn't have asked if I didn't want to hear about it. I have already told you that I'm quite to the point so I have no issues with you being the same. I think from now on, we should agree to say what we think about everything and not worry about the other person not wanting to know.

**SnitchSeeker:- **I think that would help a lot.

Harry was relieved that his online friend wanted them to be more open about things and it seemed that whatever he needed to talk about wouldn't be an issue. He was glad that he would have someone to talk to about this.

**Bookworm:- **Now that we've agreed on that, there's something I need to ask. From what you've told me, I'm made an assumption and I want to know if I'm correct. Are you a virgin?

**SnitchSeeker:- **Yeah I am. Don't think less of me for it. Like I said, I've never had the time to think about sex too much.

**Bookworm:- **Why would I think less of you for that? It shows that you're sensible at least. So if you haven't had interactions with women or men then it is understandable why things are so confusing for you.

**SnitchSeeker:- **I've had the opportunity with girls but I had too much going on to think about it. I didn't want my first time to just be for the sake of it like some of the guys I know.

**Bookworm:- **That makes perfect sense. Our society would be much better if more people thought like that. I think that once you've thought about things more, you may need to consider picturing yourself in sexual situations and see whether you prefer the idea of being with a man or a woman. It will take time to understand though.

**SnitchSeeker:- **Thank you. You've really helped. Would you mind if we talk about this some more another time?

**Bookworm:- **Of course not. You may mention it whenever you wish but for now, I think you should get some rest after such a long day.

**SnitchSeeker:- **Thanks. I'll talk to you soon. I appreciate your help and advice.

**Bookworm:- **Anytime. Speak to you soon.

**SnitchSeeker:- **Night.

**Bookworm:- **Good night.

As Bookworm had rightly said, today had been an extremely long day but despite this, Harry knew he wouldn't find himself sleeping from natural means. He took his sleeping potion and waited a small amount of time before it took effect and sent him into a deep sleep. As his eyes shut, he wondered whether such trivial things should be bothering him when there was an entire world depending on him. He had no more time to let the thoughts enter his mind as he fell unconscious, flat on the bed.

The next few days were strange and Harry didn't quite know how to deal with his newfound thoughts about his sexuality. He didn't really discuss it much with anyone and just took the time to think about it himself, like both CharmsWitch and Bookworm had suggested. His online friends had asked him how he was feeling about it but there wasn't much more discussion, as he was no closer to realising how he felt than he was when he first considered the issue. Ron had clearly taken his silence to mean that he wasn't to mention it himself and for that, Harry was grateful. He just thought that things may be slightly easier if Hermione wasn't so interested in what was going on with him and wondering why he was acting differently.

Every time that Harry had seen Timothy since the night of the Quidditch practice, the younger boy had avoided him and managed to escape somewhere, surrounded by others. He was determined that he would sort things out with him today though, whether he had to approach him in front of friends or not. He could tell that the Gryffindor was upset by their encounter and he wanted to make sure that he knew Harry would keep it to himself and not cause any problems. Before he could even think about that however, he supposed he would have to get on with his classes for the day. Muggle Studies would be fine, he was sure of that but it was Potions in the afternoon that worried him; the last thing he needed was Snape breathing down his neck when he had other things to be thinking about.

"Morning class! First of all, I'd like to start by thanking Mr Malfoy and Miss Granger for their amazing display of posters around the castle to make us all more aware of the dangers. I think it will really make a difference. Now, today we're going to learn about how muggles use what they call laptops to write their essays. Instead of using a quill and parchment, it is possible to type everything up, using a Wiztop program that is based on what muggles use." Professor Burbage continued to show people how to open up the program for creating word documents and it surprised Harry that the majority of the people in the room found it amazing.

"You mean muggles actually use these things to do their work? That would be so much easier! No worrying about being neat!" Ron said in pure delight.

"Yeah, you can even erase what you've written to correct any mistakes like we do when we're chatting online" Harry told him, amused by the fact that Ron genuinely seemed to find it amazing; it was probably the first time that Harry had seen a bit of Arthur Weasley in his best friend and laughed at the thought of what his reaction would be.

"Brilliant."

"Where's Lavender?" asked Hermione.

"Dunno" said Ron, not taking his eyes from the screen or even looking remotely interested in what Hermione had asked him.

"Haven't you heard?" whispered Ginny to her.

"Heard what?"

"About what happened to her over the weekend?"

"No! What?"

Harry rolled his eyes at the two of them, slightly annoyed. He knew that neither of them would usually indulge in gossip and so he was surprised, at Hermione in particular.

"Oh my god!" Hermione said slightly too loud, after Ginny had told her whatever it was.

"What is it Hermione?" Harry snapped.

"Apparently Lavender went to meet her online friend and things went badly" she whispered so that only her two friends could hear.

"What do you mean badly?" Ron asked.

"What do you think Ron? I wish I'd have done more to make people aware of the dangers sooner. This is my fault."

"How is this your fault? All you've been doing is warning everyone about strangers and you made those posters. You did everything you could have done" Harry told her, feeling slightly more sympathetic towards Lavender than he probably ever had done in his life.

"I'm sorry but I still don't get what happened. Could you just tell me in English and not girl language?"

"Don't make me say it Ron. It's not nice. He tried to force himself on her. That's all I'm saying and if you can't understand that then you're more stupid than I thought."

"No, I get it. Did she get away? Is she okay?"

"Ginny said she came out of it fine but is in shock. She's avoiding everyone, which explains why I didn't even know about it, considering I share a dorm with her. I don't normally take notice of her so I guess I can't tell whether she's not speaking to anyone. I feel awful now. Maybe I should say something to her."

"That's probably not best. Considering how you two have been recently, she'll more than likely think that you're rubbing it in her face" Harry warned.

"I would never do that!"

"I know that but she doesn't. Just give her time to recover from the shock and she'll be fine. She got out of it okay so don't worry about her. At least it will more than likely make her more wary in the future" the black-haired man responded.

Hermione spent the rest of the class feeling awful about the way that she had spoken to Lavender before and went off to Arithmancy feeling the same. The male Gryffindors made their way back up to the Common Room on the seventh floor, with Harry determined to find Timothy and Ron seemingly concerned about Lavender. The red-haired man went off into his dorm to leave his friend to sort his issues out with Timothy, certain that he would soon run off if he saw Ron around, considering he had witnessed what had happened that evening.

Harry soon found him through the few people that were sitting around in the armchairs but his chances of getting to speak to him were minimal, as he shot off into his own dorm room. Making his decision, Harry followed him up, hoping he wouldn't make him too uncomfortable.

"What are you doing up here? Leave me alone!"

"I've needed to speak to you for days and you've been avoiding me. Now we're on our own, can you please just give me five minutes?"

"Why should I?"

"Why shouldn't you? I haven't done anything wrong."

"Fine. Sit down." Harry sat himself on Timothy's bed next to him but a decent space away.

"I'm sorry to barge into your room but I didn't know how else to get you to talk to me."

"What do you want to talk about?"

"What happened."

"Why haven't you told everyone about it? I was expecting to have been teased by now."

"I wouldn't do that and neither would Ron. That won't happen. I just wanted to make sure you were okay. I'm sorry for my part in what happened. I shouldn't have responded to you and then pushed you away. It was wrong."

"Why did you respond? It's pretty obvious you don't like me so why?"

"I can't really answer that. I'm not sure. I'd never been kissed by a boy before and I kind of enjoyed it."

"Are you gay? I didn't even think you were."

"I don't know if I am and I suppose I can't really tell from one unexpected kiss. It's just confused me since then. Please don't say this to anyone until I know what's going on in my head."

"You've kept quiet for me so I can do the same."

"Thank you. Can I ask something?"

"Sure."

"How long did it take you to realise you liked boys?"

"Once the thought got into my head, it stayed there. It didn't take long to realise. It takes more time to accept it."

"Do you think I'm gay?"

"Possibly. I don't think a straight guy would kiss me like that. Did it feel weird to you?"

"No it didn't. I'm not sure I can deal with something like this when I've quite literally got the world on my shoulders" he chuckled slightly.

"Don't worry about it too much. Once you know either way, it won't bother you anymore and you can carry on thinking about your other problems, not that you'd want to of course but you know what I mean."

"Yeah I do. I don't even know many gay people to be honest. Is it a bad thing in the Wizarding World?"

"About the same as for muggles I suppose. There are a few here and not just the students from what I've guessed but I can't really go on assumptions."

"Who do you think is gay?"

"Why? Going to make a move on them? It's not anyone that's told me personally so I'm not going to say. I don't like being part of rumour mills. I like to think that if I don't get involved then people won't involve me in their bullshit either. Wishful thinking!"

"You're more mature than I thought. A lot more mature actually."

"Thanks, I think. Don't expect me to be like this all the time though. I'm not normally this serious or this open" he laughed.

"No problem. Thanks for hearing me out anyway and I'm really sorry if I hurt your feelings the other night."

"It's okay. I think I was more worried about what you might tell people. I'm not really ready for anyone to hear about it until I tell them personally."

"I get it. I'll see you around."

"See you."

It would have been an understatement to say that Harry wasn't really concentrating in Potions that afternoon, due to the fact that his head seemed cloudier than the classroom was now becoming from the fumes. He glanced around the room, noticing that the majority of the people around him had once again grasped what was going on more than him. Harry genuinely couldn't think of a way that he was going to get through this year at school if he had so many other things to think about. First it was Voldemort, then insomnia and now on top of everything, he was starting to question his sexuality. Even though it had only been a few days, he was sick of thinking about it and he wished that something could distract him from the ridiculousness that was his life.

Severus sat at his desk, watching his students through the usual mist that was floating around the room from their cauldrons. Needless to say, he had been in a much better mood lately after his online friend had decided to confide in him about his confusion. It wasn't that he wanted to be romantically involved with him as such; he just thought that having this in common would make them closer. It was nice to have a friend to talk to, as much as he'd told himself that he wouldn't need one again after losing Lily. She had been the only friend he ever wanted and anyone that came close to being his best friend like she was, had soon been forced out of his life. He wouldn't want anyone thinking that she could be replaced. She had been his closest friend for years until they had fallen out; their teenage years had been spent discussing crushes, hated teachers and new discoveries. At least with SnitchSeeker, it was all done through a Wiztop and that way, it didn't quite feel like a betrayal to Lily.

"HARRY!"

The professor snapped his head around at the shout from Miss Granger's direction as she pulled something away from her friend. Shooting up from his seat, Severus made his way over to the table in an instant, pulling the bottle of Death Worm Acid away from both his students, terrified of what might happen if the lid was even slightly off. Where had he even gotten that from? Severus was certain that he had never kept a bottle of it in his teaching stock cupboards. He took the acid from his female student and left the room without another word, locking it away in his private stores just in case of another near-miss. Death Worm Acid would have very easily and very quickly corroded anything that it touched and was rarely needed as a potion ingredient. Severus hadn't even used any himself.

Deciding to leave the questioning until the end of the lesson, Severus returned to his desk, saying nothing and trying to calm himself. He had been too distracted to notice the ingredients that his students were using, which was a serious misjudgement. His best friend's son could have been killed under his watch after so many years trying to protect him and for that, he was extremely angry at himself.

As the class all filed out of the room at the end, Harry tried his best to sneak out with them, petrified of what Snape was going to say to him about almost using something that Hermione had explained to be an awfully corrosive acid. Snape never waited to tell him off and would normally have happily taken the opportunity to have made him look stupid in front of the entire class. This only meant that he was going to be in worse trouble than he'd ever been in with the Potions Master, which was definitely saying something.

Harry got right by the door of the Potions' classroom and could see the firelight in the corridor before, as expected, he was called back into the room alone.

"Close the door, Potter."

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><p>I know you all hate my cliffhangers but they're not that bad really. :P Remember to look me up on twitter or facebook if you want to chat.<p>

Thank you to Limelight12 as always for being an awesome beta-reader. :)


	10. Powering Through

Ready to touch your soul

**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters and many of the places mentioned in this story. The plot is the only thing created by me.**

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><p><strong>Chapter 10:- Powering Through<strong>

Refusing to look up at his Potions professor, Harry closed the door behind him and took only a few small steps forward into the room. He knew how much trouble he was going to be in and he wasn't willing to have Snape shout directly in his face, despite knowing how unlikely it was that the man would let him stand that far away. He was soon motioned over to the front of the room to stand in front of his most hated teacher.

"Sit." It was definitely a demand and not a request and so Harry obliged, shaking as he did so on the nearest chair to the angry man's desk, yet he still did not meet his eyes. It was one of the few times that Snape was being more than fair, considering that Harry had been mere seconds away from possibly killing all of his classmates as well as himself and the teacher. Then again, he didn't know his punishment yet and so, he supposed that there could definitely be torture to come.

"Explain." If Harry wouldn't have described himself as terrified before, he could certainly say he felt that way now. This particular teacher was more one to explain in immense detail what Harry had done wrong and why, occasionally throwing in the odd personal insult and comparing him to his arrogant father. When the man spoke in single words rather than sentences, it meant that he was in much more serious trouble.

"I can't, sir." Harry rarely called Snape 'sir' or showed any form of respect towards him, choosing not to even refer to him as his Professor but at this moment in time, he didn't dare make the situation any worse.

"You can't explain? Your reckless actions could have killed us all and you have no reason for this? No explanation as to why you were so ludicrously thoughtless?" Snape's voice was steady but Harry knew better than to assume that it would stay that way.

"I really am sorry, sir. I wasn't concentrating."

"That, Potter, is obvious. My question is what could have distracted you to such a large extent that even your friends' lives don't matter to you? Don't try and use your supposed insomnia as an excuse either."

"It's not an excuse! I was really ill before you started giving me potions for that and you know it! Dumbledore would never ask you to administer it if he didn't believe that I genuinely needed it!" Harry had been the first one to lose his cool and raise his voice. Any communication between the two of them ended this way but sometimes he was the one to make Snape snap, unfortunately that wasn't the case today.

"If your –ahem- illness is unrelated then it is really of no concern to me. What does interest me is why you DID lose concentration."

"I have stuff on my mind."

"I was unaware that your brain was capable of thought Potter but clearly you have much more important things to think about than the rest of us; clearly your problems greatly outweigh anyone else in this class and therefore, I should be the one apologising to you for expecting you to make an effort in my lesson."

Severus was concerned, he genuinely was but there was also a part of him that was angry and he couldn't make that feeling go away. Why did Potter allow himself to get into these situations? Then he expected Severus to simply let it slide? He worried about the boy more than he could admit to and therefore, he had to involve himself. What would Lily have said if she knew that Severus wasn't trying to find out what was wrong with her son? It was obvious that the man wasn't going to discuss anything personal with him but at least he might be able to encourage him to speak with someone else.

"Look Snape, I messed up. I messed up massively but don't you think knowing what I could have done is punishment enough? I don't need this. I've got things on my mind and yeah I'm acting stupidly because of it. I know you think I'm selfish for even thinking about personal stuff when I've got bigger stuff that I should be taking care of but some people feel things. We're not all robots!"

"Are you insinuating that I am a robot, as you put it?"

"I give up. Can you just give me my punishment? I did something wrong and I need to be punished for it. I get that but do you have to keep tormenting me? You win this one."

Potter often assumed that Severus was trying to torment him in some way and so he wasn't surprised; he was however shocked that the younger man was clearly so tormented by his thoughts that he would so quickly admit defeat and accept punishment. There was something very wrong with him and it wouldn't be right to give detention or take points away when someone, even a Potter, was feeling that way.

"It seemed previously, Potter, that you believed that it was enough of a punishment to realise what severe damage you may have caused; is that no longer the case?"

"Are you trying to say that you're not going to punish me?"

"Precisely, though I do have one condition."

Harry knew there'd be a catch. "What is it?"

"I don't expect anything to distract you from my lessons again. Whatever may resolve your -issues-, I suggest you act now and don't allow anything to disrupt your studies again. It is difficult enough to attempt to get you through a Potions class without your thoughts being on something else entirely."

xXxHPxXxSSxXx

"How bad do you think it's going?" Ron asked Hermione in the Gryffindor Common Room. There were seven floors between them and their best friend and they were concerned about what would be going on in the dungeons. Hermione had informed Ron of what happened and he had immediately become just as worried as his female friend was, although in a way that was much more offensive towards the Potions Master.

"Pretty bad. He could have killed everyone in the room with that. What's gotten into him lately? I know he's not brilliant at Potions but he's never been that disastrous before; even Neville and Seamus weren't that bad in first year! There must be something really wrong with him, don't you think?"

"I guess. I don't know." Ron felt uneasy about his lie and it must have shown, as Hermione eyed him suspiciously.

"Well you don't seem very concerned about what it might be, Ron. He's your best friend. Don't you want to know what's wrong with him?" she accused.

"Course I do! But that's up to him to tell us when he's ready. You know what he's like; he keeps stuff to himself for a while and then he lets it all out on us. He deals with things differently."

"You know something, Ronald Weasley! Tell me right now!"

"I do know something. You're right. That doesn't mean I'm telling you. It's Harry's place to tell you and you know he will when he's ready. I'm going to respect his privacy."  
>"You're right. I'm sorry. I'm just so worried about him. His head is in the clouds. Why will he talk to you and not me? Doesn't he trust me anymore? No offense but he never used to discuss more serious stuff on his mind with you."<p>

"He's not ready to talk, Hermione. I found out another way. If I hadn't then I wouldn't know either. You don't need to get offended. You just need to be there for him when he's ready to talk to you."

"I will be. You should know that… Oh look! There's Lavender!"

Hermione suddenly jumped up from her feet and ran over to her classmate with Ron close on her tail.

"Lavender? Do you mind if I speak with you?" she started, tentatively.

"If you're here to rub it in my face then you can stop right now. I don't need it."

"No I'm not. I wouldn't. I wanted to apologise for the things I said to you."

"Why would you need to apologise? You were right, weren't you? About everything." Lavender often wore her heart on her sleeve but this felt somewhat different and made Hermione uncomfortable.

"No I wasn't. I may have been more cautious than others about online chat rooms but even I don't believe that everyone in them is like that. I suppose you can't tell."

"Well you needn't worry. I won't be going back online apart from for the classes."

"For what it's worth, I really am sorry."

"Thanks" Lavender replied simply, expressing very little emotion on her face. She walked off with her friends, who seemed to be treading eggshells around her, unsure how to react. Ron watched her walk through the portrait hole and disappear completely, before directing his attention back to his wavy-haired friend.

"That was nice of you."

"I don't know whether she sees it that way or not."

"She does. Don't worry."

They were soon interrupted by the appearance of the other third of their trio entering the Common Room and looking deep in thought. Both of his friends rushed over to him.

"Why's Lavender crying outside the Common Room?" he asked them before either of them got a chance to speak.

"Oh no! I didn't mean to upset her!"

"It wasn't you. Don't worry." Ron tapped her on the back before going through the portrait himself to see if he could do anything to help his distraught ex-girlfriend.

"Are you okay, Harry?"

"He didn't punish me. He said some things like he normally does but he didn't punish me. I told him it was enough to know what could have happened and I guess he actually agreed with me for once."

"That's good at least. So why do you still look so down about it?"

"I can't believe I almost did that, Hermione!"

"So why did you? What were you thinking about? It must be something pretty bad for you to lose concentration that dramatically."

"Just personal stuff. It's nothing too bad but it's just something I need to work through."

"Do you want to talk to me about it?"

"I kind of do but I don't really know what to say or how to explain it and I definitely don't need anyone overhearing us."

"Well, all the boys are down here so we can talk in the dorm if you want to? You don't have to of course but you really look like you need someone to talk to."

The green-eyed wizard accepted her offer and the two made their way into the boy's dormitory, sitting themselves on the end of Harry's bed.

"I don't know where to start."

"Wherever makes sense, I suppose."

"Okay. Well, you know how I said I don't feel anything for Ginny anymore and the feelings just sort of disappeared?" Hermione nodded in response, not wanting to interrupt because if she did, there was a likelihood that her friend was going to stop talking.

"I think I know why but I'm not sure and I can't come to terms with it."

"This is all because of Ginny?"

"No. Not at all really. That's just part of it. It's the reason behind it that's confusing me."

"Okay. Well I'm ready for you to talk when you've got the words." The two weren't facing each other, as Hermione didn't want to make Harry feel even more uncomfortable than he obviously already did. She did, however, put her hand to the side slightly to touch her friend's in comfort.

"I don't think I like girls. I don't know but that's what I think" he blurted out, without even thinking it through. He definitely could have worded it better.

"Oh, I see. What makes you think that?"

"A boy kissed me. I didn't have an issue with it until I panicked. The kiss was actually quite nice. I think I'm gay. I don't know how to figure it out."

"I'm sorry Harry but I think you need to explain a little more, unless it makes you uncomfortable." So he did. He told her about Timothy's nastiness and then the kiss, even the talk he had with Ron afterwards. He spoke about his conversations with CharmsWitch and Bookworm about his confusion and even told her about his feelings about it. She listened to everything that he had to say without interrupting, still not looking at him once for fear of shutting him up by accident.

"I really wish you wouldn't try and keep these things to yourself so much. I'm glad you've got your online friends to confide in but sometimes you still have to trust us too, you know?"

"I know. I just find it easier online. I'm not actually sitting there with someone seeing their reactions and letting them see how I feel. The screen just helps I guess, especially when it doesn't matter if the person on the other end gets freaked out. I was so scared that Ron would panic over it but he was great. If I had that reaction from one of my online friends, then it wouldn't have mattered as much; I don't know them in real life so I wouldn't be losing anything."

"You wouldn't lose anything anyway and you know that. You'll always have Ron and me as friends. We certainly wouldn't feel differently about you just because of who you are or are not attracted to."

"I know all that. I don't like to put my problems on others though, particularly when there's plenty of other stuff to be worrying about. I haven't got time for this when I've got to think about defeating Voldemort."

"Maybe it's time you did think about this stuff. Other people worry about it too, you know. It's not like you're over-reacting; it's a big change to come to terms with. You're human, Harry, and you don't need to base your life around a prophecy. There are other things to life and I think you're starting to realise that now."

"I guess you're right."

"Would it be really inappropriate to ask if we can talk about boys together now?" she laughed nervously.

"When I figure everything out, I'll happily talk to you about boys either way. In fact, you can always talk to me."

"Thanks. So do you think you like someone then?"

"No I told you I don't like Timothy that way."

"I didn't mean him."

"Who then?"

"Bookworm."

"What? I only know him online, Hermione."

"But you talk to him all the time and you were happy when he told you that he was gay too. I could see it in your face when you told me."

"It's just nice to be able to talk to him about it, that's all" he blushed as he spoke.

"Okay, sorry. Just a silly assumption."

Harry continued to think about his situation with a slightly more positive attitude after offloading onto his friends; perhaps it didn't matter whether he was gay or not. It wasn't really going to make a big difference to anything in the long run. From now on, he would let his realisation come to him when it was ready, rather than spend his time worrying about it, especially if it was going to cause potential recklessness.

"You could always use Ron's special sexuality detector that Fred and George gave him" Hermione scoffed sarcastically later on that evening.

"Yeah I'm sure that will clear things right up" Harry laughed.

"Good idea Hermione! Why don't we use it?" asked Ron, clearly not understanding his friends' mocking voices.

"Because, Ron, your brothers run a joke shop; not an advice column for sexually confused teenagers. How can that device possibly tell what someone's sexuality is?"

"If it can't tell, why does it show the person's face in the orb then? When we used it, it showed our faces and our sexuality."

"It's a good piece of magic, don't get me wrong but nothing can tell what your orientation is! It clearly randomly generates an answer for each person."

"Well it was right about me. Was it wrong about you then? Are you gay too?"

"Ron, you're being ridiculous. I don't have time to listen to this when I've got work I could be doing."

xXxHPxXxSSxXx

Severus Snape was currently a very confused man and that was not an adjective he would regularly use to describe himself. It appeared that the people around him had begun to act particularly strangely, starting with Harry Potter. Although he refused to allow himself to spend his time wondering what might be the young man's problem, it still affected him if he was going to be attempting to blow up his classroom. Hopefully, the Gryffindor's friends would be able to talk some sense into him; he hoped this would come more from his female friend, who held much more intellect than Mr Weasley. He really didn't want to get any more involved than he already had and to be completely honest, he wouldn't be much use anyway; all he ever did was make his student angry and perhaps feel even worse. He was sure that someone would help him out without Severus' assistance. At least, he certainly hoped so.

Harry Potter shouldn't be particularly high up in his interests, particularly when Severus and his online friend were getting closer. He still attempted to push back any romantic feelings that threatened to reveal themselves but he still couldn't help himself hoping when he had mentioned his possible sexuality. As a friend, he wanted to be able to help him discover it either way but more selfishly, he was wishing for one particular outcome to the man's exploration. Even if he were gay though, for them to consider pursuing a relationship, he would have to meet up with him and that just wasn't going to happen. They got on really well and if he knew that Severus were a Death Eater, there was no chance of them working out and that was if SnitchSeeker managed to look past his ugly looks and massive nose. It hurt to know that no one could ever consider him attractive after he'd been lonely for so long but he preferred not to think about that.

Often, he'd find himself reminiscing on past encounters and how they failed or died out; he wasn't the relationship type and that was always the main reason. However, his fear of rejection was what made him this way. After spending his school years being bullied, he found it very difficult to see anything positive in himself and had genuinely come to the conclusion that there was nothing about him to like. He'd pushed away the only friend that he'd ever had and losing her was punishment for the way he'd treated her. She'd tried to build up his self-confidence but now, sadly, she was gone and so were any remains of his self-esteem. The only person that ever cared about him after Lily was Albus and even he never made Severus feel any better about himself through his odd riddles.

Of course, Albus was one of the other people acting slightly differently at the moment; after he had come to him worrying about Potter and his insomnia, Severus had expected the old man to remain very much the same. Nevertheless, he appeared to be attempting to spend more time in Severus' company at the moment and the blue eyes were definitely twinkling more often than usual. It was undoubtedly becoming very irritating, particularly when he denied that he was up to something. He'd invited himself into the dungeons the other night and found it appropriate to question Severus about the Wiztops and pressured him to ensure that he continued to use it to set an example. He was certain that he had some kind of ludicrous plan involving the new technology but Severus didn't know what it was and as it was Albus, he didn't think he'd ever find out.

xXxHPxXxSSxXx

Later on that night, Hermione talked Harry into catching up on some of his homework and he had agreed in order to make his life easier. Ron challenged Dean and Seamus to Wizard's Chess because he was so bored with the attempts at paying attention to his work. Luckily, Harry had managed to concentrate on the work with Hermione's assistance and somehow got the majority of it done despite none of it being due the next day. He gave Ron the occasional glance, mainly because his concentrating face was hilarious and he looked as if he were putting twice the amount of effort into chess than Harry and Hermione were with their homework. The main thing that Harry noticed, however, was that he wasn't the only one looking at Ron. Sitting across the room from him, puffy-eyed and uncharacteristically unsociable was Lavender Brown. Harry made a mental note to himself to ask Ron what happened between the two of them when she was upset.

"Finally finished it all. That means I can catch up on my reading tomorrow instead of worrying about this."

"Yeah that's great. Thanks for your help. I wouldn't have been able to get all this done without you."

"No problem. I'd do anything to stop you from blowing yourself up with potions ingredients. I'm still surprised that Snape didn't punish you for that."

"Me too. Don't get me wrong, he thoroughly enjoyed tormenting me for being stupid but he didn't seem massively interested in punishing me. Maybe he's got too many people piled up on his detention list" Harry laughed.

"I think he'd always make room for you" Hermione joked.

"Really, Hermione? I thought you were always telling me that I over-react and that he doesn't really have a vendetta against me?"

"I was only joking Harry. You're not the only one that can have a laugh, you know. Anyway, I think it's safe to say that he has always treated you differently but in some ways I can't blame him."

"What? You think I deserved it?"

"No, of course not. But you look so much like your father, who bullied him throughout most of his school years, perhaps even after that. Can you imagine how low he actually must have felt? It is very difficult to picture how you would feel but could you cope with someone tormenting you every day just for their own amusement? I'm not saying anything against your dad, Harry, because I'm sure he grew up but maybe you should try and think about things from Snape's perspective once in a while."

"Think like Snape? That's a scary thought."

"I'm serious, Harry. He can't have had a great childhood and then he spends his entire adult life putting himself in danger to protect the Wizarding World and spy against the most evil wizard since Grindelwald. He must be so terrified of getting caught; he'd suffer a terrible death if he got found out. Voldemort isn't the most forgiving person in the world."

"Where the hell did all that come from, Hermione? Anyone would think you actually like the man!"

"I don't particularly like him. I just respect him and you must too deep down. You know what he does for everyone. In fact, he does a great deal more for you than anyone else. He's given his freedom to protect you."

"Yeah, okay, fine. I am grateful for what he's done and what he's still doing. Now can we talk about something other than Snape?"

Hermione sighed at his unwillingness to see sense but agreed nonetheless to change the subject; she did, however, decide to begin talking about SPEW and how she could make more of a difference for the house elves now that she was head girl. The emerald-eyed man wasn't entirely sure which subject he preferred but he tried to involve himself in the discussion. Eventually, he grew tired and chose to go to bed, dragging Ron up on his way.

"What was that about? I was winning!"

"You always win. Anyway, I was bored of listening to Hermione. She went on about SPEW and that was only because I didn't want to talk about Snape."

"She needs to have a little fun. She thinks about serious stuff far too much. I love her to bits but she needs to calm down a bit."

"You try telling her that then. I'll be at the other end of the room. Wouldn't want to get burnt by the steam coming out of her ears. Anyway, what's going on with Lavender then?"

"You know what's going on with her. Hermione told us."

"Yeah but I mean, what were you two talking about earlier?"

"She was just telling me what happened and how she felt. It was rather horrible to listen to, if I'm honest. I feel pretty bad for her."

"Anything else you want to add?"

"No, why?"

"Are you blind? She spent the whole night looking at you and even seemed disappointed that you weren't looking back at her. Are you honestly trying to tell me that there's nothing going on?"

"Shut up, Harry. She wasn't looking at me. I'd have noticed."

"You wouldn't notice if she got your name tattooed on her arm!"

Ron threw his pillow at Harry, successfully hitting him in the side of the face and laughed to himself as he changed into his nightclothes.

"Oh, yeah. Here's that orb Fred and George gave me. Why don't you give it a shot?" The ginger male held out the item in his hand, expecting his friend to take it from him.

"Ron, that's not going to tell me anything. It doesn't really work, you idiot."

"Just try it, Harry!"

Harry took it from Ron, pretending to laugh at the idea of what it supposedly did but actually he was more worried that this object might know more about him than he did himself. Closing his eyes, he squeezed the object tight, cursing Ron the entire time. After a few seconds, he took a deep breath and opened his eyes, seeing his face in a cloud of smoke in the crystal, as his sexuality was spelt out to him in letters.


End file.
